The Honest Approach
by The Better Side
Summary: When Stephanie gets a visit from Diesel on her birthday, it leads to a spell being placed on Ranger that causes the man to be open and sincere. With car explosions, Morelli, bad luck and a cross dressing unmentionable added to the mix, insanity ensures!
1. Prologue

Stephanie knew that Diesel wasn't exactly human but she never expected that a surprise visit from him on her birthday would lead to a spell being put on Ranger that caused the man to be one hundred percent, open and honest. What could this lead to? Well in Stephanie Plum's world; disaster of course!

It's for fun! Don't beat me up, haha.

* * *

Prologue

* * *

There was nothing ever good about birthdays unless you counted the birthday _cake_.

It was just one day out of every year that reminded you of your limited life span. Why celebrate one step closer to death? I'd rather cheer and go bonkers every day that I remained alive and_ in tact_. Because when you were Stephanie Plum, _that's me_, waking up to another day was a relief considering that every possible bad thing happened to shorten my time alive.

That's probably why I stayed in, drunk beer and watched T.V today. I didn't feel like moving. Because if I moved, I'd leave my apartment. And if I left, I'd go to work. And if I went to work, I'd see my friends. And if I saw my friends, they'd wish me a happy birthday.

And I didn't want to think about my thirty fifth birthday. Ugh, oh, I groan just thinking of it. Five years too old to be labeled as a 'middle ager' and five years too young to be considered truly old.

Thirty five was a default birthday. The one that flashed warning signs at you. Thirty five made you re-evaluate your life, see what you've accomplished and propel you to work faster at whatever it is you wanted out of life.

For me, it made me realize how utterly unfulfilling mine was.

How I had a sucky job, how my love life stunk, how my home wasn't ideal, how my luck was crazily bad.

I was sulking. I was sulking because my life was so easy to sulk at. I was sulking because if I didn't, I might be bawling and I didn't want to be a thirty five year old who cried alone in her apartment. That was just pathetic.

So I sighed, went into the fetal position on my couch and closed my eyes.

Maybe when I opened my eyes, I'd realize all this had been a bad dream and I was living in a mansion with kids, a husband and all the doughnuts in the world.

Oh, a girl could dream.

*********

"It's the birthday girl!"

I sighed and was ushered into my parent's home. I know I was suppose to sulk in my apartment all day but I overlooked one large fact: I didn't have any food in my kitchen and my parents did. So, here I was; eating their food and enduring their talking. I managed to tune out most of their conversation until they stopped talking and just stared at me.

"What?" I asked, swallowing my cake.

"It's you're birthday. Aren't you happy?" My mom asked, concerned.

"Ecstatic."

"You should do something."

Like drown myself? "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"_Yes_."

"Really? Because I could-"

"Mom, I'm fine."

"We should go play bingo. I do that on my birthday all the time." Grandma Mazur added. I'm sorry; _bingo_? Did she really expect me to sit in place for a thousand hours only to end up leaving empty handed? I don't think so.

"Bingo's not really my game."

"Bingo is any one's game."

My eyes wandered to my mother's liquor cabinet. It was where she kept her secret stash for special occasions like when Grandma Mazur brought a man with one eye or when I burned down houses. The sad thing was that Grandma Mazur and I did that a lot.

"I don't like bingo."

"Everyone likes bingo." Grandma Mazur insisted. "All you gotta do is sit and look at the board. What's not to like about that?"

"I'm not playing bingo."

"Suit yourself."

Silence.

"Maybe you should go roller skating." My mother spoke up. No way. I had two left feet. "Or go to a concert. You have to do something on your birthday."

"NO!"

More silence.

"Can you at least pretend to have fun?"

I turned towards the woman who birthed me and forced a tight smile. She seemed satisfied enough and left it alone. I was still smiling when I left my parent's house with the leftovers and drove home.

I figured that if I kept this phony smile on my face then no one would know how miserable I really felt.

*********

When I arrived back at my apartment, the first thing I noticed were flowers and chocolates. They were sitting before my door, placed neatly and looking lovely. I furrowed my eyebrows, glanced around the hall, picked the flowers up and read the card.

_Dear cupcake,_

_Sorry about our fight and sorry I have to work on your birthday. Will be back soon. I'll see you then._

_Love always, Joe._

I smiled in spite of myself, collected the gifts and trucked in side. Joe Morelli was only one of the complicated men of my life. He was strong, handsome, liked pizza and grew up in the same neighborhood as me. All through our time spent together, he used my innocent to trick me. He looked up my skirt at six, took my virginity at sixteen and was still around at age thirty; using his skills to combine all the efforts at once. It wasn't accurate to call him my boyfriend but we _were_ more than just friends.

Anyway, I hadn't seen him in a good three weeks. You see, Joe and I had many differences in opinion. One of his biggest pet peeves was my job. Not because it wasn't paying enough but because it was dangerous and I sucked at it. Either way, we argued, we got angry, I left and that was that.

Now he was bribing me with chocolate. Typical Joe. Damn him and my weakness of all things sweet.

I set all the food on the kitchen counter, fed my pet hamster Rex, who was looking mighty hyper on his wheel, and retreated into my bathroom to kick off my shoes and slide out of my jacket.

When I went back into the kitchen, Ranger was leaning over the counter. The box of chocolates were open and he was inspecting them like he worked for the department of health.

Oh jeez. Where to start? Ranger aka Carlos Manoso was the _second_ complicated man of my life. He was all dark, mysterious, smooth, delicious Cuban love. He always wore black, had a dark complexion, never ate anything fattening, had a body out of this world and could make me melt by just his smile alone. We had a complicated relationship. It started with him being my mentor and had escalated to much, _much_ higher standards. So high in fact that we had had a 'one night stand' before.

But that wouldn't satisfy him of course. I suspected he wouldn't stop until we had at least fifty one night stands.

Ranger was Batman. Or so I thought at times. He excelled at every aspect I _failed_ in.

He glanced at me and I could see his lip twitching. "You and Morelli have a fight?"

I walked up to him and plucked the chocolate from his hand. "He's trying to win me over."

"Smart man."

I licked it and blinked. "Oh hey, these are good." I took two more, stuck them all in my mouth and began to chew. _Oh, really good_!

"Really?" I heard his voice get heavy and turned to see his eyes get dark. He gently took my hand, turned it over and put his tongue to my palm to lick off a slab of chocolate. I felt a jolt of heat churn my stomach and bit my lip. He glanced off, thought about it and then shrugged. "It's alright."

"I thought you didn't eat sweets." I stated breathlessly.

He cut his eyes to me. "I can make exceptions."

Yikes.

Before I knew it, I was leaned up against the counter, flesh to flesh with Ranger and he was kissing me. And believe me when I say Ranger is a _superb_ kisser. When we broke apart, I had my fingers through his hair and my breasts pushing into his chest.

"What was that for?"

"That? That was your birthday present." Oh, his present trumped Morelli's by a _lot_. "But _this_? This is because I want to." Then he kissed me again. Fiercer. Tighter. Extreme. And when he pulled away this time, I could swear I was seeing stars.

"Happy birthday, Stephanie."

Then he was off. Out the door. Planning to do whatever it is Batman did. Damn him and his skill at leaving me mushy and confused.

I sighed, turned to stare at the chocolates and ate the rest. At least Morelli's present didn't vanish until_ I _made it so. I had control. And it sure as hell didn't pop in; send me into a hormone frenzy and then pop out without another word.

Damn men.

I was still vehemently complaining about them when I heard a sound. The sound of air whooshing. A sound I knew all too well. I closed my eyes, prayed it wasn't so and opened them only to see that my wish hadn't come true.

Diesel was smiling at me, hands in pockets. "Long time no see, huh?"

Not long enough. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet the third and hopefully, _final_ complicated man of my life: Diesel no name. Like the other two, he was completely on a different spectrum with his own annoying attitude and pet nickname for me. He was blond, buff, sexy and I had an inkling that he wasn't all human.

Yes, Diesel was what they, _I don't know who exactly they are_, called an unmentionable. Which meant he had some sort of power that surpassed those of human status. The only thing that amazed me about him was his ability to poof in and out of my apartment at will but then again, my apartment was easy access to all.

We had worked together on different occasions and one thing was for sure: Diesel brought trouble.

"What are you doing here?"

He looked offended. "Nice to see you too." His eyes locked onto the empty bow of chocolates and he sighed. "Those must have been good."

"What's the bad news now, huh? Just tell me now."

He grinned. "Bad news? No bad news, sweetheart. I'm just here to wish you a happy birthday. You're in a pissy mood by the way. Shouldn't you be happy on your birthday?"

"I don't know. Are you happy on _your_ birthday?"

Diesel shrugged. "I don't age."

I was actually tempted to believe that. "I know you want something." Diesel never just dropped by for nothing. He was a busy man, according to himself.

We stared at each other for a moment before he relented.

"Fine." He blew out another sigh. "I'm after someone. But I swear, I just came to say hi." He peeked into my fridge and shook his head. "You've got to get a better job."

Yeah, right. Like his job was the best. At least the crazy maniacs I went after didn't have super powers. "Well, hi and bye bye now."

Diesel grinned again. "Real bad mood?"

"Somewhat."

"Ranger got to you, huh?"

I gaped at him. Damn my transparent reactions and his uncanny assumption to know that Ranger had been here. I knew from the past that Ranger and Diesel knew each other or had some sort of history. What had transpired between them though, I have no clue. All I knew was that Diesel somehow messed with Ranger's 'mojo' and that Ranger didn't trust him fully. "No."

"Liar."

I was horrible at it so I just gave up and shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Ranger is Ranger and he's not going to change. So why mope?" It was true but God, I wish he _would_. I wish he could just spill his guts to me. Then maybe I wouldn't keep going back to Morelli and getting my heart broken like a fool.

Then again, what did I expect from Ranger? I knew that if we got involved, it wouldn't be perfect. Oh no, far from it. It might even be a big disaster.

But that was the deal with life and love. You took chances. And I was willing to take a chance on Ranger if he was willing to do the same for me.

I blinked in surprised at my own thoughts. Talk about a break through. I was having a major revelation over here and no one could hear it!

"I hear it."

My fearful eyes swung on Diesel again. He was smiling and eating the leftovers from my parent's house. "Stop reading my mind!"

"I wasn't." He raised an eyebrow. "You were speaking out loud."

I smacked my forehead. _Idiot_.

"Tell you what," Diesel said, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "If you promise to get some food in your house then I can make your wish come true."

"Why don't you go home and buy your own food?"

"I'll be in Trenton for a while." He motioned around. "I can stay here, right?"

"NO!"

"Stingy."

I rolled my eyes. "What was that about my wish?"

His eyes narrowed and a wicked smirk appeared on his face. "Your birthday wish for Ranger to be more open and honest."

I stared at him in disbelief for a second before shaking my head. "You can't do that."

"Of course I can. Just tell me how long."

"It's not possible."

"Sweetheart," Diesel grinned, leaning in to stare hard at me. "_Anything_ is possible with a little bit of faith."

I didn't believe in faith. Faith possessed me, made me hope and then laughed when all my prayers never became reality. I hated faith.

"You shouldn't hate faith."

I was talking out loud again.

Diesel straightened, held up one finger, swirled it in the air, stopped, tapped it against the table, blew on it and then glanced at me. "There ya go. When Ranger wakes up tomorrow, he'll be a completely changed man. "

I stared. "You're lying." One part of me wanted to believe he could actually do this but my skeptical side was in full effect. I've seen some weird ass shit in my life but I have never seen someone put a spell on someone else. That was impossible even for Diesel. That was Harry potter shit. Not real. Make-believe.

Yet the look on Diesel's face was scaring me. He was smiling widely and he shrugged. "We'll find out."

I gulped and rubbed at my eyes. Psh, yeah right. Diesel didn't have powers like that. Ranger would be the same dark, silent, strong man he was tomorrow just like today.

I turned to tell Diesel this; that he was a fraud and that I didn't believe him but when I looked up, he was gone.

Damn him and that poof.

* * *

_THIS_ can only call for disaster. Yeah, sorry, I know but I'm a suck up for humor fics. Had to do it. Haha.


	2. Chapter One

Yay! :) People liked it, hehehe. I am just full of humor.

* * *

Chapter One

* * *

I woke to my cell phone ringing. Sighing, yawning and stretching, I reached out, grabbed it off the nightstand and checked the caller ID. Lula. I ignored her, snuggled back under the covers and closed my eyes. A second later, it started to ring again. I missed a million calls from her all yesterday but that was only because I refused to leave my house on my sucky birthday. I told her this quite a few times yet she still persisted all day yesterday.

Now, she was waking me up while I tried to sleep off the birthday funk I'd been in.

"Hello?"

"Where have you been!?" She shrieked dramatically. "I had to file all yesterday. It sucked."

"I told you already-"

"Today's a new day. Hurry your ass up." Then she hung up. Ah, my loving friends. Whatever would I do without their kind words?

I got up, did the brushing teeth-taking shower thing, got dressed, fed Rex and peeked in my cabinets. Still no food. Damn food fairy. My mental complaint of my empty kitchen brought me back to Diesel's words yesterday evening and the so called 'spell' he had placed on Ranger. Now that I was rested and thinking rational, I snorted in laughter at it now. Yeah right. Diesel was obviously pulling my chain. Why had I bought that crud? Psh.

I grabbed my purse, got my car keys and went off to tackle the day, praying that nothing bad happened.

*******

"Oh look who showed up for _work_ today."

I rolled my eyes at Vinnie who was glaring at me from behind his cracked door.

"I don't pay you to sleep around all day! I pay you to find criminals!"

Then he slammed the door, locked it and that was it. That was what I got from my boss for missing a day of work. Not too bad, if I do say so myself. At least he didn't put me on probation or fire me. Then again, he'd never do that. Mostly because my job was shit and no sane person wanted to do it.

As soon as Vinnie's door closed, Lula hopped up, brought out a box of doughnuts along with a bucket of chicken and started in on them. Connie and I watched her with looks of disgust.

"What?" She asked. "He would have wanted some."

We shrugged, grabbed our own portions and finished each box off in less than ten minutes.

"What's new?"

Connie handed me the files, I skimmed over them and then set them back down. There were a total of ten and not one looked especially exciting at the moment. They all just looked dangerous and crappy and reminded me that I was thirty five. _Great_. I was still sulking.

"So, how does it feel to be thirty five? Whoo whee, that's kinda old. I never want to be thirty five. I'd die."

I gave Lula my hardest glare and she shut up. I thought about telling her that she looked at least sixty but thought better of it. Taking my anger out on the rather large, black woman would only result in my untimely death. I was lucky but not delusional.

Ten minutes later, I was still lounging around the bonds office, spread out over the couch. I had my eyes closed and was day dreaming of unicorns when the door opened and in stepped Ranger.

I sat up instantly and eyed him warily. Although I told myself that Diesel was full of bullshit, I couldn't help but examine Ranger. I sighed in disappointment when I saw him though. He was still in black, still had that placid look on his face, still the same Ranger. As I expected, the spell didn't work.

I slumped back in my seat, closed my eyes and then opened them when I felt a shadow cross over me. Ranger was staring down at me.

"Working hard?"

"Of course. You know me."

He only gave me a small shake of his head. Yep. Same Ranger tendencies. Nothing was different.

I hauled myself off the couch and grabbed the files I'd placed on Connie's desk. I could see the other two woman's faces: they had their eyes locked on Ranger and were licking their lips. Understandable.

I started to open a file and show it to Ranger, to enlist his help because I was still so incredibly lazy and miserable but I lost my grip and the papers went flying all over the floor. With a grumble, a few curses and a childish stomp of my foot, I bent down to pick them up and a sound from behind me made me freeze.

A whistle.

"Damn, your ass looks good in those jeans."

Silence.

All at once and in perfect sync, might I add, Connie, Lula and I turned to stare at Ranger in what could only be labeled astonishment, amusement and disbelief.

Had Ranger just whistled and complimented my ass in public?

One look at his face confirmed my suspicions. He was blinking rapidly, looking mighty stupefied and his eyebrows were furrowed. He was obviously bewildered by his _own_ words. He glanced at me, stared, glanced down at himself and shook his head as if to clear it.

Holy shit.

Diesel's spell worked.

********

_Ranger_

_The hell......?_

I could feel the ladies staring at me and it was ticking me off. "_What_!?" I asked irately. They all went wide eyed and lowered their heads.

The fuck?

I glanced down at my fingers and flexed them. Then I wiggled my toes, stretched my arm and twisted my neck. I could still control all of my limbs.

So why had my mouth suddenly developed a brain of its own that, apparently, worked automatically?

I shook my head again, faster this time, opened my mouth, closed it and then shook my head again. Something wasn't right. I was feeling off. I was feeling...

"Ranger, are you alright?"

I turned to Connie, who had asked the question, narrowed my eyes and said, "My head hurts a little and I have a stomach ache. Probably because I skipped breakfast. But other then that, I'm fine."

The women started gaping at me again.

WHAT THE-

I balled my fingers into fist and felt like banging them against my head. Or my _mouth_ to cease my seemingly uncontrollable words. What in the world was going on? I never spoke this much. I never_ lost_ control of my own reactions. Was that even possible?! I stared down at my feet and started to count. Relax. I just needed to _relax_.

"Ranger...." Stephanie started warily, drawling out her words. "I think we need to talk...."

"Stephanie I don't-" I paused, looked up at my hands that were in my hair, blinked, pulled them out and then exclaimed, "How's my hair!? Does my hair look okay?"

More gaping from the women.

God, _damn it_! I paced, growled, glanced at them and then stormed out. Something was most _definitely_ wrong. I was sprouting out unnecessary bullshit and I couldn't even _stop_ it! I hadn't felt like this in the morning...had I? I calmed when I got to my car. Breathed in, exhaled out and assured myself that it was just the four hour rest talking. I needed to cut back on my work hours, get more sleep, eat better. All that jazz.

My cell phone rang while I slid behind the wheel. Tank. "Hey boss, we have a problem-"

"Fuck. I hate problems. I wish we could have one day off without problems to go to the beach, swim, chill, just be at ease. I've always liked how calm the water was."

Silence.

"_What?_" Tank asked, his voice layered with shock.

I cursed, hung up and ran a hand down my face. What was _happening_ to me!? I saw Stephanie heading towards me, turned the key and drove off. I couldn't afford to speak to her right now. Not with my unpredictable mouth betraying me every second. I turned onto the street, started to curve onto a lane but a car swerved in front of me and cut me off.

That was all I remember before I stuck my head out the window and started bellowing out at the offending vehicle.

"_MOTHERFUCKER_! BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER! I GOT YOUR LICENSE PLATE! WE'LL SEE WHO HAS THEIR CAR AT THE END OF THE DAY!"

********

_Stephanie_

Not good, not good, not good, not good, not good, not good, not good......

I hopped in my car, drove off and waved goodbye to Lula and Connie who were peeking out of the bonds office, staring wide eyed at me. They were dumbfounded. I could understand why. Seeing Ranger whistle at me, shriek about his hair and curse someone out who cut him off was quite a lot to be dumbfounded about.

I wanted to go after him, to explain what happened but...honestly, what would I _say_?

Oh yeah, Ranger, there's a magical spell that is making you open up more! Diesel did it! Haha, want some beer?!

How would that sound? He'd probably shoot me. Oh god, he'd probably shoot everyone. He'd go on a killing spree. Trenton would look like Armageddon.

I was still freaking out about it when I heard the all too familiar _whoosh_. My eyes spun on Diesel, sitting beside me in the passenger seat. He had a half eaten sub in his hands and was grinning. You know, it was a pretty sad to think but I was use to men appearing out of thin air in my life. Freaky. You _never_ wanted to get used to_ that_.

I narrowed my eyes at him and stopped for a red light. "Turn him back."

"What was that?"

"Turn him back!" I exclaimed, flailing my arms. "Ranger. The spell. The opening up! Reverse it! Stop it! Do something!"

Diesel stared, took a bite of his sub and chewed. "If I do recall, you didn't even believe in my powers."

He was smiling and obviously amused. I wanted to punch his lights out. "Just.....quit it!"

"Why? I thought this was what you wanted."

I opened my mouth to object but then shut it. I thought about it for a beat and churned my car on pass the now green light. I _had_ said I wanted him to be more open. But NOT forcefully. I wanted Ranger to open up when _he_ wanted to. And not to the whole wide world! Just to _me_!

"Sweetheart, that's never going to happen." Diesel rolled his eyes. I was talking out loud again, of course. "And when or if it does, it'll be too late. Sorry to say it but the man needs to get his head out of his ass and propose to you before _someone_ else does. See, I think of this as me doing him a favor. Consider it your birthday gift and an _early_ one to him."

I don't think Ranger would see it that way _at all_. I think Ranger would see it as someone fucking with his life, his power, his control, his instincts and he'd want to terminate that _someone_ as quickly as possible. And I didn't believe a word out of Diesel's mouth. He wasn't doing this for any reason excluding his own entertainment. "Well...I take it all back. I don't want him honest. Just reverse it!"

"Sorry." Diesel finished off his sub and shrugged. "It's out of my hands already."

I gaped. "_What_!?"

"Yep. Ranger's stuck like that."

"UNTIL?"

"Until I find my unmentionable, I suppose....or until I find a house to live in...."

I eyed him angrily, parked in my apartment lot and saw right through his act. "If I let you stay with me then will you reverse it?"

He got out, leaned down to smile at me through the window and said, "If you let me stay with you and buy me some candy."

Diesel: the grown man with a little boy mind. "Is that all?"

"I don't know....I might need some _assistance_ if you're willing to help." He wiggled his eyes suggestively.

"No." I told him coldly.

"Worth a shot." He sighed and shrugged. "Help me find my unmentionable then?"

"Why do you need my help? I thought you said that yesterday was just a drop by to say hi."

"I lied."

Figures.

"FINE! I'll help. Will you take it off NOW?!"

He clicked his tongue, formed his hand into the shape of a gun and aimed it at me. "I'll think about it." Then he was off, skirting towards my building and disappearing inside.

I got out, slammed my car door and stomped after him. I wondered if I should shoot him in his sleep but then thought better of it. I didn't have a place to hide the body, I hated blood and I didn't want to go to jail.

Besides, I didn't do well with guns.

* * *

Hah. He's kinda scary now...bwaha. && Yeah, to my reviewer; I love Liar Liar! Haha. Go this idea from it :D

More soon. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed.


	3. Chapter Two

:O More, haha.

* * *

Chapter Two

* * *

"Hey, I'm not finished with you yet."

"I hope that means you want to ravish my body."

I rolled my eyes at Diesel, grabbed the remote from his hands and clicked off the television. His reaction was wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Nothing more. I put hands on hips and said sternly, "You'll get the remote back _after_ you answer my questions."

Diesel stared at me with slanted eyes and slumped down in my couch. Hah, I had him. Wrote this fact down ladies: Men will agree to anything as long as you take away what is most precious to them. And no matter what they are; a Trenton cop, Batman, mystical being, they WILL cave when television becomes unreachable.

"So...tell me exactly; how does this curse work?" I asked.

"Don't call it that. That makes me sound like a bad guy." I raised both of my eyebrows and he shrugged. "I put it on him, he opens up, and that's it."

"Okay, okay," I shook my head while waving my hands in the air. "Let's say that, for an irrational, unbelievable moment, I believe this-"

Diesel sighed. "You don't believe it _already_? You had front seats to it, did you not?"

I had but there was no way I'd admit it. Because admitting I believed it was like admitting I was insane. I mean come on, I wished for a better job, a lot of cash and doughnuts every day but that never happened!

"Maybe if you wish a little harder, it'll all come true." He said, grinning wide. I hung my head. "Listen sweetheart, it's not all that incredible. A few mind blocks, tearing down barriers, digging down deep and then BOOYAH." He snapped his fingers for effect. "Ranger's honest."

I stared at him in disbelief. Was he really trying to simplify putting a spell on someone?! I shook my head to clear and then said, "Fine. Okay. Whatever. So let's say Ranger does have a spell on him, alright? What uh....happens after that? I mean...are there...guidelines? What?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"YOU DID IT!"

"_No_." He wagged his finger in disapproval. "_You_ did it. You wished for it and I just made it come true."

"You're not making any sense at all! So what, your power is to grant wishes? You're a genie!?"

"I'd need a lamp to be a genie. _DUH_."

I felt my fingers twitch into fists and had a very, _very_ strong urge to punch Diesel in his nose. Not only was he being the most uncooperative man I've ever encountered but he was confusing me even more than I already was. Too much confusion was a bad thing. I needed a cold shower, some cake and then I wanted to walk back into reality. Into the _real world_. Where curses, spells and any other magical things were only fictional on the big screen.

I was raising my fist to bash his face in but froze when I heard the lock click on my door and it swung open. I turned on my heel and smiled sheepishly at Ranger who came walking in.

He didn't look so good.

"Steph!" His voice was uncharacteristically high and...worried? He grabbed my shoulders and stared me in the eye. His once calm, stoic face was replaced with a frantic, looking nervous Ranger who couldn't seem to stand still. "Something's wrong, man. I don't feel good. I can't-I feel-" He stopped abruptly in his slight plea and I knew immediately who he had spotted.

I turned slowly to where Ranger's eyes were staring and saw Diesel do a little finger wave from his spot on the couch, smiling widely.

"Long time no see, Ranger!"

"What the fuck is he doing here?"

I laughed nervously. "Well, he..." Then I trailed off because I didn't have an answer to the question. Not a good one anyway.

Ranger's eyes narrowed dangerously. He stared at Diesel's guilty looking face for a minute, then at my shamefaced smile then back at Diesel before he growled out, "_You_." And began to stalk towards the man.

I quickly shrieked, jumped in is way and put a hand to his chest. "Wait-"

"_You_ did this to me." Ranger was still barking out angrily, pointing at Diesel. "I _knew_ it. I could feel it. You always fuck up everything. I just _knew_ it. What the hell did you do now?"

All credit due to Diesel, he didn't even flinch. He smiled, stood up and came to stand a few feet behind me, hands in his pockets. _Bold_. "I resent that. I don't fuck up _everything_."

Ranger reached out for him but I managed to force him back enough to keep Diesel out of reach. "Hey, no fighting! _We_ have to talk!" I grabbed Ranger by his wrist and led him into the kitchen. Or, more so, I tried to pull him into the kitchen, whined when he didn't bulge, shot him puppy dog eyes and he relented.

I watched him start to pace around the small enclosure and blinked. Seeing Ranger like this was _surreal_. Even though he was still dressed in his usual black, he wasn't emitting any mysterious vibes at all. He was all nervous, angry, jittery Cuban male. He looked like he wanted to strangle something.

On that note, I took a slight step backwards. The news I was about to tell him would, in no way, improve his mood and I didn't want to be strangled. "Rang-"

"I'm sick of that guy." He grunted, eyes down on my tile floor while he increased his speed of pace. "He does nothing but bring out the bad in me. Fucks with my karma, gives me headaches, drives me insane with jealousy and now he's somehow, controlling my brain!? How the hell is that even possible?"

I didn't answer. Mostly because I don't think he was really waiting for an answer but partly because of something he had muttered. "_You're_ jealous of Diesel?"

Ranger stopped, turned to face me and I saw the struggle on his face. He was trying really hard to maintain something. His cool? His control? His facade?

"Damn it!" He exclaimed suddenly, making a face I had never seen on him before. "YES. Yes, I'm jealous of Diesel. And the fact that I'm admitting that should tell you why I _HATE_ him. He's around you way too much, he always fucking spells like Christmas and he's the reason I'm making this god damn rant right now!"

I know it was a suicidal thing to do but I laughed. I tried, I tried really hard not to but seeing Ranger like this was a once in a lifetime thing and he just looked so cute when he was frustrated. Not only that but he sounded so sincere and sweet. _Ranger_ was jealous of _Diesel_ because of me? How flattering! Of course, I only got out half a giggle before he sent me a death glare and I immediately shut up.

He sighed and stared at me wearily. "Just tell me already. What did he do to me?"

"Why do you think he's behind it?"

"Because he's around and I can't keep my mouth shut." Very perceptive.

Alright, here I go folks. Pray for me. I braced, took another step back and said quietly, "Diesel...kind of...put a spell on you."

Silence.

"HE DID WHAT!?"

"I don't hear happy in here." Diesel said, poking his head in the kitchen. One look at Ranger made the man's eyes go wide. I took another step back so I was behind Diesel. This way, he'd be the first person in the path of Ranger's rage.

Ranger was angry. And I'm talking _real_ angry. Seeing him mad was one thing because he was usually silent mad. The kind of mad where he just stared at you, didn't say a word and then hacked your face off.

But Ranger open, mad was a totally different story. The dark tone of his skin didn't conceal the red pooling in his face, his fist were clenched, his body was shaking and his cloudy, fury filled eyes were locked onto Diesel and yours truly.

Diesel and I spent a good minute tripping and scrambling to get behind the other while Ranger stalked towards us and in the end, I was in front. I sent Diesel a glare. _Chicken_.

"Stephanie wished for it!"

"Traitor!" I whispered angrily, turning to glare at him. "Yo-you made it happen!"

"I wouldn't have done it if you would have had some food in here."

"You little-!"

"Quiet." We turned to Ranger who had uttered the low command and instantly did as told. He stood there glaring for a minute, most likely summoning up the last bit of control he had to keep his cool.

"I think I might have messed up a little." Diesel whispered to me out the side of his mouth. "I think my spell might have heightened his emotions."

That was one theory. I was thinking more along the lines of Ranger being closed up for a good, long period of his life and now that he was forced to open up, it was coming out explosively. That couldn't be healthy. Then again, I didn't know jack squat about spells so I glared at Diesel.

"You _messed_ up!?" I whispered back harshly.

He only shrugged. "I'm not that good at placing spells. Actually, this was my first time."

I thought I might faint. I saw the stars dance before my eyes and waited for my head to hit the floor. Sadly, it didn't. "You're going to get us killed!"

"No way. He wouldn't hurt you."

We turned to Ranger once again who had abandoned his glare to pace around and mutter to himself. "Head for the door if he makes any sudden movements...."

*********

_Ranger_

Diesel.

He was the first on my hit list at the moment. Put a fucking spell on _me_? This son of a _bitch_. The thing that made me angrier was the fact that I believed that he _could_ do it. That was what I _hated_ about that little worm. He had...powers and that shit made me wary. The closest I ever came to seeing magical things happen was when my Uncle Rey balanced ten books on his head while he juggled water bottles. He was drunk all through the routine by the way.

Now _Diesel_ could put spells on people, disappear out of thin air and send my kismet into a frenzy. He was like Superman.

The bad news for him was that there was only room for _one_ superhero in Trenton _and_ Stephanie's life. And that was Batman.

I glanced back at the two of them, who looked to be in a heated argument and focused on Diesel. I was no longer concerned about who was responsible or if Steph had been apart. I was only looking for one thing. "Undo it."

They both froze and turned to stare at me. "What was that?" Diesel asked, eyebrows raised, feigning confusion.

"Undo _IT_." I repeated. I think I sounded pretty damn composed considering that I was feeling homicidally angry. Diesel glanced at Stephanie who looked pretty smug and then back at me, smiling slowly.

"Well...uh...alright. Okay. First, I need uh...a piece of grapefruit...a tire, two African birds, five beetles-"

"You can't reverse it, can you?" I asked flatly.

"Nope."

That was when I lost it. _Fuck this_. Fuck going to jail. Fuck everything. Diesel was a dead man. I reached for my back pocket, clutched the handle of my gun and was just about to swing it forward before I felt a hand grab my wrist. I looked down in amazement to see Stephanie blinking up at me fearfully and telling me not to do it. I stared into her eyes, sighed and dropped my hand. I couldn't do anything in her presence that she didn't want me to do. She was Achilles heel.

_FUCK_.

"Aww, how sweet. She's your Achilles heel."

I ignored the fact that I had said that out loud, glared at Diesel and reached for my gun again only to be stopped by Stephanie once more. I blew out a sigh.

"Diesel, shut up!" She screamed at him. I watched his face fall and smirked. "Now, I'm sure we can work something out-"

"What's to work out? Either the bastard undoes the _spell_ or I'm going to put five bullets in his brain."

"You're very violent now that you're open, do you know that?" He asked, eyebrows rose.

"All thanks to you."

Diesel frowned. "_Fine_." He drawled out dramatically. "I'll reverse it."

Stephanie brightened and I slumped my shoulders in relief.

"In exactly....." He glanced at his watch. "One month."

**********

_Diesel_

I saw Ranger reach for his gun again and rolled my eyes. He was so dramatic. Stephanie gave him a look and he relaxed. It was pretty remarkable to see how much of an influence she was on him. If only _he_ could see that. I'm not good at matchmaking and the last time I did try it was with Stephanie and we totally bombed the whole thing but hey, why not use my powers for good? And yes, I _was_ using them for good. If Ranger finally tells her how she feels, they can get married and I wouldn't have to hear her whine about her love life all the time.

Because when she whined, she cried and when she cried, I wanted to comfort and do...other things. Manly things. And the last thing I needed was to get involved with a woman who was already in love with two different guys and couldn't choose. Why bring a third factor into it?

Of course, that didn't stop me from flirting and _hoping_. I was a straight forward guy. I just wasn't ready to settle down. Besides, I figured Ranger was a good choice for her. He was strong, smart, protective....male.

Don't get me wrong, I had no quarrel with that Morelli guy but there was a very compelling argument I could use for his behalf. Like, for instance, _where_ the hell was he all the time?

So yes, I was trying to help Stephanie and Ranger out. The least they could do was show me a little bit of respect, maybe offer to buy me some food and _NOT_ blow my head off. Hmph. Ungrateful people these days.

Then again, I'd be pretty mad too if someone put a spell on me. Especially someone who was just learning how to. I figured I should train my powers so placing it on Ranger was like my warm up. Okay _fine_, maybe I did it more out of entertainment than trying to help but I was having a hard time trying to track down my latest unmentionable and I needed a few laughs.

"Listen," I spoke up, rocking back on my heels. "The spell has a time limit. I'm guessing it's for a month because well...that's what I intended but...I'm not very good at-" I paused, saw the shock on Ranger's face and skimmed past that fact. "Anyway, after a month, I'll be able to take it off. Promise." I put a hand to my heart and grinned.

Neither of them looked too trusting of me. Sadly, I couldn't blame them.

"I said_ I promise_."

"I promise also. I promise I'll penetrate your skull if you're lying." More dramatics. I was starting to miss less talkative Ranger. "Now what if I just shoot you now. What happens then?"

"Then you'll be stuck like that."

He narrowed his eyes. "How do I know you're not lying?"

I gave him a wolfish grin. "Would you risk figuring out?"

I saw him grind his teeth while he considered it. "It's worth it." Then he pulled out his gun and I widened my eyes in fear. Uh oh. Not good.

Before he squeezed the trigger, Stephanie screamed, "No shooting in my house! I MEAN IT!" She lowered his hand and stared him hard in the eye. He stared back but only lasted a few seconds before he sighed and put the weapon away. I wiped my forehead. Phew. Thank the lord for Steph.

"Now," She started, moving cautiously in the middle of the room, holding both of her hands out in warning. "Diesel was wrong. I see that, he sees that, Ranger sees that, we all see that."

"You-" I started with furrowed eyebrows.

"BUT," She cut in, glaring at me. "But, that does _not_ mean that you can shoot him." She said this while glowering at an annoyed Ranger. "Let's all just calm down and think rationally."

Leave it to her to try and be the civil one. _She_ was the walking tragedy who had no right to tell us to think rationally because she rarely _ever_ did Stephanie was a woman who followed her instinct and got lucky all the freaking time. "Hell of time to be rational." Ranger muttered.

Stephanie ignored him and glanced at me. "Are you sure that it _has_ to last a month?"

"Positive." Or at least, 80 percent positive.

"Then after that, it's gone?"

"Gone forever." Or until I decide to put it on him again. Ranger seemed to pick up my thoughts, narrowed his eyes at me and mouthed, 'Don't even think about it.' I forced a smile his way and then sighed when I glanced down at my feet.

"Well okay then." Steph shrugged with a gentle smile. "A month isn't that long. Only four weeks. This won't be so bad, huh?"

I turned to look at Ranger who had hands on hips and was shaking his head. "Yeah," He started sarcastically. "It'll be as bad as the time I got my zipper stuck on my dic..."

He trailed off and turned to stare wide eyed at us, managing to catch himself in the act. He glanced at my amused face then at Stephanie's open mouth and growled, "_SHIT_!" before storming away, slamming the door on his way out.

"That was an image I'd rather not have pictured." I said, grinning wide.

Stephanie blinked at me, sighed, shook her head and stomped off into her bedroom muttering about men and spells and cake.

* * *

:) You like? I hope so. Let me know!


	4. Chapter Three

* * *

Chapter Three

* * *

_Stephanie_

When I walked back into the living room, I saw that Ranger had stormed back into my apartment. He had his arms folded across his chest and was staring Diesel down while Diesel whistled.

"I thought you left." I spoke up, trying to break the tension. The men turned to glance at me.

"I did. I came back." Ranger walked over to stand before me. "I don't trust you with Mr. Exhaust Fumes over there-"

"Oh ha ha." Diesel said dryly.

"-He's a ticking time bomb which, mixed with your own sense of always finding danger, isn't the most appealing." He sounded tense. He was obviously still angry and he couldn't seem to stay still. He was in motion every second; tapping a foot, shaking his head, pacing.

"Wha-I don't always find danger." I huffed.

"Like hell." Ranger turned to glare at the blond male who looked especially dull. "Get out. Stephanie doesn't need you here."

"Is that so? Then who does she need here?" Diesel smirked slowly, a challenge burning in his eyes.

"Me."

"Now hold on, I don't _need_-" I started.

"You?" Diesel frowned. "Now, what's the difference between me and you?"

"For one, I'm intelligent."

"Hey now, I'm talking-" I tried again, frowning.

"So now I'm dumb?" Diesel cut me off, holding out his hands with his palms up. The signal for utter disbelief.

Ranger raised his eyebrows. "You always were."

"Hello!?" I exclaimed. "I'm trying-"

"Well...well you got a spell but on you by a 'dumb' person so just how stupid does that make you look!?"

Uh oh. Wrong choice of words. I watched the men step up face to face with each other and lock eyes, glaring intently. Even though Diesel was a good three inches taller, it still looked as though he was in a disadvantage. Face it. When Ranger stared you down, you buckled.

Now it was up to me to break these two up. I rubbed my hands together, squared my shoulders and did what any clever young woman would do to get two very dominant, muscular men to pay attention to her.

I fainted. Or, I feigned fainting.

I did all the theatrics too. The hand over my forehead, the '_Oh_!' exclamation, the head tilt to the side and then finally, the collapse onto the ground. I popped one eye open to see if it worked and stared up in disbelief.

They hadn't moved.

Hmph. Nice to know they cared about me.

"Would everyone in the room with overbearing testosterone please stand down!?" I squeezed in between their little macho stare down and land a hand on each of their chests. Their eyes cut to me. "In case you've both forgotten; this is MY house....er...apartment. So...both of you leave!"

Their eyes widened.

"But you said I could stay here!"

"Babe!"

"Out!" I pointed stiff armed. "And try not to kill each other on the way down."

While they reluctantly shuffled out, my cell phone rang. I dug in my pocket, flipped it up and checked the caller ID. Morelli. _Oh just great_.

"Where are you?" Was his greeting. I could hear loud talking in the background and it strangely sounded like Lula.

"At my apartment. Why?"

"You won't believe this." Oh, he had no idea what I'd believe at this moment. Hell, I was already having faith in birthday wishes, genies and super powered humans.

"Won't believe what?"

There was a moment of silence and I could hear Morelli shushing someone. Then he came back to the phone and said, "Someone's kidnapped Vinnie."

Oh boy.

************

When _I_ got down to the parking lot, I saw that although Diesel and Ranger had listened to my command about leaving, Ranger hadn't exited the entire premises. He was leaning on his car, arms folded, obviously waiting for someone. Someone like me.

"Where'd Diesel go?"

"How should I know?" He asked testily. I narrowed my eyes and he sighed. "Sorry." My eyes widened back up. Sorry? Ranger never said he was sorry. To be sorry, you had to admit you were wrong and Ranger was _never_ wrong. "I'm just....edgy." He explained, catching onto my look. "I don't like not being in control of...myself."

Understandable. I don't think I'd like that either. I smiled reassuringly at him and he returned it somewhat. "Vinnie is kidnapped."

Ranger's smile faded. "What?"

"Morelli said someone came into the bonds office and took him out by gunpoint. Apparently, Connie saw but Lula didn't. She was off buying doughnuts."

"Fuck." My sentiments exactly.

"What do you think?"

"I think Vinnie's a dead man. He's a snake, a creep and a sex fiend. Whoever got him won't waste time." Ranger shook his head and motioned towards his car. "You heading to the bonds office?" I nodded. "Want me to give you a lift?"

Before I could answer, Ranger's cell phone rang and he excused himself to take it. When he came back, his face was contorted in rage. "What's the matter?"

"That was Tank. We got a problem at Rangeman." His eyes held mines for a second and I could see the raw adrenaline passing through them. "There's been a break in."

My eyes went wide and I gaped up at him. "What!?" No one _broke into_ Rangeman! Not only because it was heavily secured and housed dozens of men who could pass for gorillas but also because no one was _stupid_ enough. Breaking into Rangeman was like breaking into the white house. Impossible and suicidal.

"I know." Ranger opened his car door and hopped in. "I've got to go check it out." He put his key in, started to slam the door shut but paused. His head slowly turned to stare at me and, very abruptly, his eyes softened and he reached out to curl a strand of my hair behind my neck. I inhaled in a sharp breath at his gentle touch and stood still, immobilized by his dark, captivating eyes. "Stay safe, Steph. I'll be back." Then he was off, squealing out of the lot and calling out the window, as a last minute thought I suppose, "And stay away from that son of a bitch, exhaust fume!"

I watched him go with a slight smile and headed to my car. I got in, put the key in, turned and-

"Ah!" I screamed and jumped back which caused my head to bang on the car window.

"Calm down, sweetheart." Diesel rolled his eyes from the passenger seat beside me, clicking on the radio. "It's just me. Man, you scare easy. I take it Ranger left already?"

"Damn it!" I exclaimed through heavy breaths, rubbing my head. "Don't _do_ that!"

"Yeah, yeah, come on. I hear there's been a kidnapping and a break in. Lets hop to it."

"You were spying on us?"

Diesel grinned and tapped both of his ears. "Super hearing."

I think I believed him.

"Now, lets _goooooo_. " He ushered.

"What do you care about any of that stuff?"

"My unmentionable,_ remember_?"

I squinted my eyes suspiciously at him. "Your unmentionable broke into Rangeman and took Vinnie?" The break in thing sounded reasonable enough. No mere human could get inside that compound. But _Vinnie_? Who wanted to waste their time on _him_? And yes I know, he's my cousin but Ranger was right. He was a sleaze ball.

Diesel shrugged. "Who's to know?"

I stared at his sly smile and deduce that I didn't trust him. He knew something I didn't. But, for the time being, I played along and drove us out of the lot. The last thing I wanted to do was make Diesel angry enough to place a spell on me. No siree.

**********

When we rolled into the bonds office, there were a few cop cops parked and I could see the uniforms crowded around the door. I exchanged a knowing look with Diesel, we got out and headed over to the group. A lone figure broke away from the pack as we neared and I recognized it as Morelli. He smiled warmly at me but when he spotted Diesel, it instantly froze. Joe and Diesel had only met a few times in the past and none of the meetings had been especially long winded. Far as I knew, they were....acquaintances.

We all came to a stop a few feet from the office.

"Diesel."

"Joe."

"Back in town?"

"For the time being."

"What are you here for?"

"Oh...just to sight see." I gave Diesel a questioning raised eyebrow but he ignored it.

"You should sight see somewhere else. This city breathes in disaster."

A grin from Diesel. "I know. That's why I keep coming back."

That was the end of their conversation. Morelli turned to me and smiled. I hadn't saw him in a few weeks and he still looked the same. Ruggedly handsome with his trademark paper thin cut in his eyebrow and his dark chocolate eyes. He was dressed in torn jeans, a ratty T-shirt advertising Kiss and needed a good haircut.

"What's the news?" I asked, motioning towards the building.

Joe turned and blew out a sigh. "Not good. Vinnie is definitely taken. There were a few splotches of blood on the floor but no sign of a struggle. Connie said when the guy came in, she had her head down. He put the guy to her, told her to close her eyes and then she heard some yells, a few thuds and when she dared to crack an eye open, the man was gone and so was Vinnie."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Well, where is she now?"

"Out getting more doughnuts with Lula. She nearly freaked from all the cops." Yeah, Lula hated cops with a passion. "I told Connie to be back later for some more questions."

"This is bad." I sighed. No one said anything so I glanced at the two men. "RIGHT!?"

"I guess." Joe shrugged. "I mean yeah, I feel sorry for the bastard but I can't lie. He had it coming. Vinnie had enemies on top of enemies. Anyone could have done this."

I turned to give Diesel a slight glare and he only waved. Hmph. Still not telling what he knew...

"Happy belated birthday by the way. Did you get my gift?"

I glanced back at Morelli, nodded and smiled slightly.

"Did you like it?"

"Yes, thank you."

Diesel draped his arm around me and smirked deviously, apparently deciding it was his turn to speak up again. I felt my stomach sink. I didn't like the look on his face. "Yeah but I think she liked my gift much more."

Morelli's eyebrows rose. "Oh really? What'd you give her?" There was a edge in his tone. A sharp one.

Before anyone could reply, a car swerved into the lot. We all turned to see it slide smoothly into a slot. It was shiny, expensive looking and solid, black. I felt my heart beat up. The door opened and out stepped Ranger. He looked tense, jumpy and mad. The face of someone who had some bad news to dish out. His eyes landed on me and he started over.

"I think you're about to get a demonstration." Diesel muttered under his breath.

* * *

Let more chaos begin!

Longer chaps are in order as well. Watch out for that, hehe.


	5. Chapter Four

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

_Ranger_

As soon as I hopped out of my car at the Bonds office, I glanced around for one person. And when I saw that one person, I headed right over.

Diesel.

This was his fault. It was _always_ his fault. I didn't care how unreasonable I sounded or how quick I was to accuse. I could just feel it, at the pit of my stomach, I could _feel_ it. Whoever had broken into my company _had_ to be connected to Diesel in one way, shape, form or another. I came to a stop before that exhaust fumed motherfucking and-

"Ranger?"

My eyes cut to Stephanie and I blinked. Where the hell had she come from? I looked right and saw that Morelli was here as well, hands in pockets, his head titled to the side. I ground my teeth together. Damn it. I had completely overlooked their presence. I was _never_ unaware of my surroundings. Another downfall on my character I could completely blame on Diesel.

I ignored them both and jabbed a finger in the blond idiot's chest while trying so very hard to keep my cool. "Who broke into my company?" I hissed angrily.

All three of their eyes enlarged to bowling balls. Apparently, I wasn't succeeding at my attempt to seem composed.

"What-? I don't know." Diesel shrugged, smiling dumbly.

I narrowed my eyes and stared at him for a beat. He was lying. I could tell from his shaky smile and his raised eyebrows. That son of a bitch....I might not have been in full control of my actions but old habits die hard. I always knew when someone tried to deceive me. They always had the same damn look. And Diesel face was a perfect replica of it: idiotic feigned confusion.

"Listen you jackass," Mental head slap. I needed to work on minimizing my curses. "Either you tell me what the hell is going on or I'll shoot you in the face."

"In front of a _cop_!?"

"I'm capable of it."

The dumb blond blinked at me and laughed nervously. He believed me.

Morelli was baffled and amazed. I could see it on his face. "Wow. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." I heard him mutter. But before I could turn my rage onto him, Stephanie spoke up.

"Whoa whoa," Stephanie said, her face a cloud of confusion and fear. "What's going on? Ranger, what's the deal? Someone _really_ broke in to Rangeman?"

"Someone broke into Rangeman!?" Morelli exclaimed with widened eyes. I grunted. Great. Now Morelli knew.

"Yes, that appears to be so." I folded my arms across my chest and continued to stare scornfully at Diesel. "When I got there however, the '_burglar_' was already gone. All my guys could use to identify the perp with was a thirty second flash of a shadowed figure in the cameras before he disappeared."

"Disappeared?" Stephanie blinked.

"Disappeared." I confirmed, staring hard at Diesel.

"Wait so...what? He didn't steal anything?"

"We're not sure yet. As far as we know, he just broke in, ruffled a few feathers and....left." I tapped my finger against my forearm in an attempt to calm myself. "Diesel, you son of a bitch," Another mental head slap. The idiot just brought out the anger in me. Quite literally. "I_ know_ you know. And you wouldn't believe how close I am to disregarding the spell and killing you _right now_."

Diesel only grinned at my threat. Bastard. He still wasn't talking. I blew out a sigh and decided to let it go...for now. No need to get worked up over nothing.

"Spell...?" Morelli, once again, added in his _useful_ two cents. He was looking from me to Diesel to Stephanie and I could sense that he felt left out. Good. There was no way I'd let him know about-

"I put a spell on Ranger. Y'know, as a gift for dear Stephanie." Diesel conspicuously took refuge behind her back as he spoke. "He has to be open and honest and-"

"_Shut up_." I warned angrily, my eyes narrowed.

"Uh..." Morelli laughed nervously, obviously uncomfortable from all the tension floating around. "I don't know about you guys but I don't believe in spells." I rolled my eyes. If only he knew.

"Man oh man," Diesel feigned hurt. "Why is everyone so down on my powers?"

"Because you have none?" I smiled at Morelli's taunting voice.

Diesel frowned and wrapped his arm around Stephanie's shoulders. My smile faded. "Fine. Guess I'll just have to demonstrate to you."

"What are you up to-?" Her words were lost as Diesel kissed her. I saw Morelli tense out of the corner of my eye and then all I saw was red.

I didn't know I was holding Diesel by the collar of his shirt until the ringing in my ears were drowned out by Stephanie's screams. She was telling me something, something along the lines of _keep my cool_ but I couldn't concentrate on her fully. My fury was centered on Diesel and I _hated_ it. No one knew about the long, dark hours I had gone through that contributed to my detached facade. And now it was like I had to start all over again. As if I was the same knuckle headed teenage boy that stole cars and got sent to juvie.

Yet it was much worst than that. Because now I couldn't_ control_ my emotions and, in my life, that could lead to something fatal. My emotions were explosive and raging. Only one reason why I kept them off limits.

Diesel was, like any good bastard, smiling. His head was lolled back, his collar was being pulled forcefully against his throat, my fist was centimeters from his face and the man was grinning like a dumbass.

"See?" He asked, trying to turn to glance at Morelli.

The only reply the cop gave was a squeak. Whether it was a squeak of stifled laughter, surprise of fear I had no clue.

I roughly let him go and raked my knuckle against my forehead. I was letting him get to me.

"Ranger, are you okay?" Stephanie laid a hand on my shoulder but I violently snatched away and stormed away from them, unsure of my heading. I just needed to catch my breath, calm down, and breathe in. All that jazz. And, if nothing more, I needed to distance myself from Diesel or I might end up committing a homicide.

**************

_Stephanie_

I turned to glare at Diesel but all he did was shrug. "Would you cut it out!? You're going to make him have a heart attack!" As if such a thing was possible when it came to Ranger. I grew up learning that only people who ate fattening foods had heart attacks and Ranger was all vegetables and fruit. Of course, that didn't mean that he was completely ruled out. I recently saw that heart attacks could happen from stress related events. Another objective I was sure Ranger would never experience.

Until Diesel came, that is. Now the man of mystery was stressed beyond compare.

I watched Ranger get into his car, slam the door and swerve off. Damn it.

"I'm pretty sure I missed something." Morelli was saying as he shook his head. "And I don't even want to know." He turned to me and smirked. "I'll keep you posted on the Vinnie kidnapping. And if Ranger ever decides to come back, tell him that he should probably file a report on the break in." Then Joe walked away and joined the remaining uniforms in the bonds office.

I sighed, put hands on hips and felt Diesel come up behind me and swing his arm around my shoulders again. I instantly shrugged him off.

"Relax sweetheart, Ranger isn't here."

"I _know_ that." I huffed. "That doesn't mean I want you touching me. What's the matter with you anyway? Are you _trying_ to piss him off?"

"He makes it so easy."

I frowned.

Diesel rolled his eyes. "Have either of you stopped to re-examine the event that just happened? I kissed you and Ranger went psycho. What does that tell you?"

I blinked. I had an inkling to where Diesel was heading but kept quiet. I'd rather he say it first.

"He doesn't _want _anyone to kiss you! Which means, he's obviously head over heels for you." He said it as if it was the most logically, obvious thing in the entire world. I watched him inspect his nails and furrowed my eyebrows. That hadn't been my train of thought. I suspected that Ranger went crazy because he hated Diesel and marginally _liked_ me. But head over heels? That phrase and Ranger didn't even mix.

But a small part, _or a big part_, of me wanted it to be true. And that part was sad at the moment. Diesel spell was supposed to be helping not _hurting_. "I don't get it." I sighed wearily. "If he's head over heels then why is he avoiding me?"

"Because now he can't hide it." Diesel explained dully. "I have some words of advice for you sweetheart: Make the initiative. Because when you do, he'll _have_ to spill his guts."

I bit my lip. "Do you think that would work?"

"I have the utmost confidence it will." He put a hand over his chest. "I swear."

"You're lying."

He sighed. "I don't lie all the time, you know."

I squinted at him and then snorted. Yeah, right. If Diesel started to tell the truth then the Earth would lose all balance, topple into the sun and explode.

The universe just wasn't ready for_ that_.

**************

As instructed to by Diesel, I left a voice mail on Ranger's cell which must have shown you how desperate I was to be listening to_ his_ words. After I left it, I glanced at him for reassurance and he shot me the thumbs up. I knew that the thumbs up had been more for moral support than him actually being proud of my accomplishment. Because I stuttered, paused and laughed stupidly throughout the whole message. When I played it back and we listened, I sounded like the Queen of all imbeciles. How embarrassing.

"So," I started, shoving Diesel's feet off my table. "Are we going to go do our thing and catch your unmentionable?"

"You're still helping me?"

"I mind as well." I sighed. "You'll be around for a _month_."

"And I can stay here?"

I shrugged and he made a motion with his hand that signaled: YES! Score. I figured that letting him stay wouldn't be that bad. He'd have to sleep on the couch and provide his own food until I rolled in more dough. Speaking of which....

"If you're not going to do anything then _I_ will." I turned on my heel. "I have FTAs to attend to."

"Who's going to bond them out?"

I froze and hung my head. Damn. "Connie, preferably." I just had to figure out if the woman would be heading back to the bonds office. I dug in my purse, pulled out my phone but before I could dial, it rang. I paused and shot a worried look at Diesel. He just stared. We were both thinking the same thing: Ranger. The fact that we were so nervous about the call wasn't lost on me. It felt like we were waiting for the actors on some cheesy show to suck it up and get together already. A feeling of anticipation mixed with fear. Ironically, Ranger and I could fit into the category just fine. Although the 'cheesy' part would be stretching it.

It was my mom.

"Don't tell me it's true." Was her tightened greeting. "Don't tell me Vinnie has really been kidnapped."

"Sorry." Was my only reply.

I heard my mother groan and the clinking of bottles echoed in the background. "Why me? Why is it that my daughter has cousins that get kidnapped?"

"What!?" I couldn't believe this. Was she really blaming _me_ for this? No way! "Mom, its no my fault-"

"The phone's been ringing off the hook! Your Grandmother is talking to the neighbors right now. They're bringing over salads and cake."

I laughed and shook my head. Leave it to the burg to give you presents and sweets when someone in the family is kidnapped. "Save the cake for me and stay calm. I'm sure he's okay." And before she could retort, I hung up. I turned to see that Diesel had his head down and his shoulders were shaking. I frowned. He was laughing at me. After a swift kick to his shin, I dialed Lula.

"Girl, where you been at? We been sitting here eating doughnuts for hours."

"I went to the bonds office earlier. Where are you?"

"My apartment."

"Connie's with you?"

I could hear talking in the background. "Yep. She looks a little sick though. Might be from all the doughnuts." I heard a sputtering noise. "So what's the scoop? Is Vinnie really gone?"

'Fraid so."

"Man." Lula let out an exaggerated, bloated sigh. "That's tough nuts. Can't say I'm too sad about it." Understandable. "I do hope he comes back though. I need my pay check."

Who was she telling? "Ask Connie if she can bond out my FTAs."

"You're gonna go after them? When the boss is kidnapped?"

"I need food on my table." Hell, I needed a table to put food _on_. I heard Lula relay my message, heard more talking and then she came back on the line.

"Connie says it's okay with her. She was a little shaken up about the break in but not too much. We'll meet you at the office." Then, as an after thought, she said, "I hope all the cops cleared out."

*********

Thirty minutes later, Lula, Diesel and I were riding around town looking for one of my FTAs named Tubby Florence. Connie was at the bonds office and a uniform had agreed to stay with her for the rest of the day just in case the kidnapper came back. We were all pretty sure that he wouldn't but Connie seemed content enough so we all left it at that.

Diesel had bamboozled his way into tagging along. He said he would conjure up some meatball subs if I let him. Don't judge me. I hadn't eaten most of the day. I needed my vitamins. And by vitamins, I meant cakes and cookies and things that contained tons of sugar. Lula came along because of the same offer. Apparently, the big blond doof wasn't in that much of a hurry to find whoever the hell he was trying to find. Which brought me to _that_ topic.

"Who are you after anyway?"

"Hmm?" Diesel spoke up from the back.

"Your missing unmentionable person. Who is it?"

I heard him chuckle. "Technically, his name is Greg Madison."

"Technically?"

"It's on his birth certificate."

I didn't know what he was implying or how to respond to that so I didn't. Lula decided to speak up from the passenger seat. "Hey, what the heck is an unmentionable anyway? And can you really make meatball subs appear?" She asked, eyeing the man in the backseat. I had partially forgotten about her limited knowledge of Diesel and the baggage he brought along with him.

"Of course I can." Diesel grinned. "Why, I've recently just put a spell on someone." I groaned but everyone ignored me.

"Nuh uh! Who!?" Lula's eyes expanded greatly and excitement danced in her eyes. Magic must have animated her.

Diesel took it all in with a giant smirk, clearly loving the attention he had wanted for so long. "Ranger."

I watched Lula freeze and then she bursts into laughter. "Don't tell me that's why he was acting funny." She turned to me, her smile vanished and she mouthed: "He's a dead man."

"I saw that."

Before anyone could say anything more, my phone started to ring. Diesel leaned in to me from the back and Lula did as well. I waited for a red light to check it. Ranger. My mind started to swirl and I gulped to help my dry throat. Great. I was acting all nervous and giddy again. It was like high school all over again. I was the dorky, acne covered unpopular girl and Ranger was the savage jock.

I blushed. What a weird synonym to use.

"Seriously." Lula snorted. "If I had a fantasy, Ranger would be either naked or dressed in a speedo. A real tight one that showed off all his manly parts."

"Ugh." Diesel gagged, grimacing and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Could we refrain from the mental images of other males?" He nudged me with his elbow. "Now answer the phone before he hangs up."

I did as told and answered with a breathless, "Hello."

"A jock, huh?"

"You bugged my car!"

"Of course I did. And not just because Diesel is around, either. I had it bugged long before he arrived. Mostly to over hear what you say about me." He sounded sincere except this time, he didn't seem especially bothered to share that little secret. I narrowed my eyes and saw Diesel flicking his fingers towards me, urging me forward, telling me to take advantage of the spell.

"So, are you all calmed down?"

"A bit. I thought I told you to stay away from exhaust fume."

"How do you know I'm-" The light turned green and I propelled the car forward while trying to glance out the windows. "Are you following me!? Where are you? You better not have installed a camera in my car!"

"I'm right behind you."

I turned to glance out the back window, saw a flash of Ranger waving, heard a honk and righted myself on the road. "What's the deal?"

"I don't trust Diesel. So, until he leaves, I'm going to be around. A _lot_ more. Just think of me as a bodyguard. Except I'm much more hormonal, angry and talkative than before."

I didn't see anything wrong with that. In fact, I looked forward to it. Spending time with Ranger? That'd be pretty sweet. Oh hell, I'll just admit it already. Spending time with Ranger was what I had wanted to do all along.

Except there was one wrench in that good fortunate.

"I think Ranger's flicking me off." Diesel said, staring out the back window.

I sighed. I needed to get rid of Diesel.

"Okay, I believe you now." Lula said, eyes wide. "Ranger must have a spell on him. It looks like he might explode."

I sighed again. I needed to get rid of Lula as well.

"What about Rangeman?" I asked, going back to the phone. "Is it secure?"

"For now. The guys are still getting use to their '_new_' boss but besides that, it's all good. Honestly, I think they're more afraid of me now than before." With good reason. "Besides, I have a feeling that if I stick around Diesel long enough, I'll find out who broke in."

I could understand that.

"But, of course, I want to be around _you_ more." Ranger was smiling..smirking...something. I could hear it in his tone. I felt my face flush. "This spell might have just been put on me but I've always been magical in bed."

The phone slipped from my hand and my heart skipped a couple beats. I glanced in my rear view mirror to spot the predator smile on Ranger's face and it took a few minutes for me to come back down to Earth. By then, car horns were honking like crazy.

"Jeez." Lula was saying. "You look like you died and gone to heaven."

I only shook my head. No, I hadn't reached heaven. Not _yet_, anyways.

* * *


	6. Chapter Five

I'm backkkkkkkkkk (:

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

_Stephanie_

There are ten reasons why this day went from bad to worse to terrible.

After it came upon agreement that Ranger would be following us and I was stuck with Lula (until she was fed) and Diesel (until he caught his unmentionable or when the end of the month came, whichever came first) we all drove to the residence of Tubby Florence, the FTA I had been intending to capture. Turned out Tubby was not in. And his mother, whom he lived with (Yes, he was a fifty five year old man who lived in his mother's blue and white trailer park) told me that he wouldn't be back until late.

He was working, she insisted, but if I had known that he skipped bail, I would have turned him in my self. Obviously, Ms. Florence had no tolerance for criminal activities. Whether her son was involved or not. Which was a tad bit strange to me, for every other parent I had encountered did not try to help bring their child to justice. I was glad she was the exception.

I asked for his place of work and she gave no hesitation in handing out the information.

Tubby Florence worked as a bartender at Royal Tavern. He should be on shift at this moment, she had assured. So we all set out for it.

Turns out, it was a special kind of night at Royal Tavern.

Cross dresser night.

Our party was an entourage of weird. An over weight black woman with skin tight leopard pants and a shimmering green top with bleached blond hair. A tall, buff, blond guy with ripped jeans and a faded T-shirt. Mysterious looking, dark skinned male with long, silky hair pulled into a ponytail. Combat boots, black clothes, uneasy expression. And then me, a skinny, white, brown haired, blue eyed woman from the burg.

We fit right in.

"Holy shit." Lula breathed. "These ladies are UGGGG-LEEE." She turned to me with wide eyes and said she'd be right back, that she had to go pee and walked off into the crowds.

All around us, men (or should I say, ladies) flounced around us. Singing, dancing, laughing. Drunk, obviously. Diesel looked about ready to throw up and Ranger avoided all eye contact with anyone who looked even remotely trans-gender. I smiled. It was amusing to see the two of them uncomfortable for once.

"I'm going to go check the bar for Florence." I yelled at them over the loud music booming from the speakers. "Which one of you strong men are going to assist me?"

Diesel gave me a pained look and Ranger muttered something under his breath before glancing down. I picked Diesel to go with me. More so because Ranger looked like he was about to blow a casket and we kinda needed to keep our cool in this crowd less we wanted to cause a riot. I told the man in black we'd be right back and to be on guard for backup but he only grumbled something unintelligible. He seemed to be in a bad mood and, even though I wanted to comfort him, I dint. For one, I didn't know how to deal with Ranger when he was like that. I had never experienced it before. It made me confused and unsure of myself around him. Like everything I said was a land mine that could explode his temper and send him rearing. I'd have to face him eventually, of course, but it wouldn't be right now in a bar full of transvestites.

"Will you be okay?" I asked the dark man who glowered down at the floor. I didn't want him to think I was abandoning him and I wasn't sure if he would feel okay by himself around a group of people who obviously made him nervous.

He sent me a harsh look I was so unaccustomed to, I flinched. "I think I can handle myself."

With a huff that I made sure he heard, I took Diesel by the hand and led him across the bar to the table. I had only been trying to help. Sure, he was not in his right mind but that didn't mean he had to be a jackass.

"Give him some time." I heard Diesel say into my ear. "He's trying to figure himself out again."

I thought about telling Diesel to shut his trap, to say he had no right to delve into Ranger's emotions, to blame him for turning the man into something he was not but I didn't. I just let go of his hand and led the way to Florence, who I could see standing behind the bar, mixing a drink.

0o0o0oo

_Diesel_

_Reason Number One: I got attacked by a mob of crazy men dressed as women._

I saw him. Standing right there, right before my eyes, taking a drink from the bartender, the FTA that Stephanie was going after, and I froze up. I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared. I hadn't expected to see him here, at this moment, so soon. It was obvious, however, after I thought about it, that he would be at the bar on this night. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about searching for him as soon as I walked in the door.

After all, he was the proudest, most obnoxious cross dresser I knew.

"Stephanie, it's Gregory." I whispered to her. She was all hands-on-hips-Jersey-style mad because of Ranger's pissy attitude and didn't hear me at first so I tried again. "Steph, my unmentionable is standing at the bar."

That got her attention. Her eyes swerved to take Greg Madison in and she gulped. That was understandable. Standing at an imposing, six foot seven, he was the largest male (women?) in this place. He wore a tight, tight, tight pink skirt and a sequined top that sparkled and glittered and showed off his hairy stomach. The pink wig over his head couldn't hide his wild brown hair underneath.

"What is he doing here? Hiding?" She asked.

I laughed. "No."

Her eyes locked onto mine in confusion and it finally dawned on her. "Your unmentionable is a transvestite."

"Bingo." I took her by the shoulders. "I'm going to try and sneak up on him. You go after the bartender. If all goes right today, we'll be bringing in two men-er..people."

If all goes right. Hah.

The pandemonium started the moment Greg caught sight of me. I barely got a chance to take a step before he took off. I started after him instantly, pushing people out of my way and gaining a few glares and colorful words. I thought I could hear Stephanie behind me, screaming something, but there was too much music, too many voices. Greg was at the back door in minutes and I was on top of him, grabbing, reaching, diving. He was not getting away this time.

By now, the whole bar had turned its attention to us. And they were not happy. Turns out that cross dressers were fiercely loyal.

"Hey! You get your hands off her!"

That was the last thing I heard before I was rushed and taken to the ground.

0o0o0oo

_Lula_

_Reason number two: Crazy muthafuckers ripped my weave out!_

I was coming from the bathroom, right? Just waltzing on out, minding my own damn business and, all of a sudden, I was freaking trampled. When I collected myself, I turned to see that something huge was happening towards the back of the bar and I wasted no time in running to see. I couldn't see Ranger or Stephanie or Diesel anywhere and the first thing I figured was that the white girl was the reason behind this. She always was. It was one of the reasons why I liked her.

I pushed through the crowd to see Diesel getting his ass beat by a bunch of men in heels. Talk about surprising. Mr. Genie was the cause of trouble. So like any good friend, I hopped in. Ya know, tried to get the fools off of him.

_And they turned on me!_

Crazy, right! All of a sudden, I was behind hit and bolted with wigs and heels and I heard a loud _RIPPPPPP_ and my weave came right out.

Well, lets just say I wasn't too happy.

I saw red. I saw murder. I started swinging, I started kicking. I heard cries of pain and alarm and a siren in the distance and Diesel screaming something and then Stephanie flashed by and Ranger was rushing by.

Then my eyes started to burn painfully and I fell down on the floor, clutching at them.

_Reason number three: I fucking got maced!_

0o0o0oo_  
_

_Stephanie_

_Reason number four : I got kidnapped._

In the span of a few minutes, Diesel had gotten trapped and beaten by cross dressers and Lula was being mutilated.

I had tried to get in and help but it was no use. I was useless and small and virtually powerless. I could hear sirens and breathed in relief. Some one had called the police. They would help.

For the time being, I could prove useful in another way.

I had seen Greg Madison, Diesel's unmentionable, slip out the back door when the craziness had started so I went after him. I thought it was good news that no one had been paying attention to us.

It turned out to be bad.

Because as soon as I stepped into the alley way outside of the bar, a hand clamped over my mouth and a knife came to my throat. Panic wrestled against calm in my brain and I smelled foul breath.

"You're with that asshole, Diesel, right?"

I shook my head no viciously.

"Liar!" Greg accused, his eyes wild. He grabbed me by my neck and pushed me ahead of him. "He'll want you back. I'll arrange a trade. Then he'll leave me alone. It's a perfect plan." He muttered to himself. I dared a glance backwards. His skirt had been ripped and was sliding off. Under it, his white pantyhose gleamed. Lip stick was smeared on his cheek and his wig was lop sided. His appearance did nothing for my emotions. He was so much taller than me, so much stronger, so much more insane. I felt myself getting hysterical. No one knew I was out here!

"Come on." He pulled me by my hair and made his way to the parking lot. His eyes scanned the perimeter and he smirked at a dark, sleek vehicle.

Ranger's car.

"Perfect." He purred. I almost laughed. There was no way he was getting in that without raising the alarm. I felt relief flood back into my system. He would try to get in and the car would go off and Ranger would race out and rescue me. After, we'd all go home and have doughnuts and Ranger would propose and all would be well.

Then Greg did something equally terrifying and amazing.

He opened the door.

No alarm, no difficulty, no nothing. I knew Ranger well enough to know that he would never, EVER, leave his immaculate Porsche sitting here without some kind of security system.

I didn't have time to think it however because suddenly I was being tossed in the back and the car was starting and I felt something hard hit my head and I was out.

0o0o0o

_Ranger_

_Reason number five: I got ran over. BY MY OWN CAR._

Stephanie had been mad at me when I shrugged her off. I could tell. She was like that, an open book when it came to her emotions. The complete opposite of me. I was a turtle. I lived in a shell.

Or I used to. Now everything just flew out of my mouth like locusts.

And it wasn't like I could help it. I was literally fighting myself for control here. It was like there were two Rangers inside of me and they both wanted out. An open one and a guarded one.

It was not fun. And it was not easy to try and sort through all these feelings. My mouth had became my greatest enemy. It wasn't going to think before it spit out the things I thought.

All because of that sad excuse for a son of a bitch, Diesel. He was causing me so much more pain that I was ever going to admit.

Remind me why I haven't killed him yet.

Oh right. Because the cross dressers were already working on it.

When the fight broke out, I was standing off to the side, keeping my head down, trying not to look suspicious which proved futile because wherever I glanced, some man (Do you like to be called women or men, I never knew?) was winking at me or shooting me a kiss.

It was the single most uncomfortable position I've ever been in.

I was almost glad when everyone's attention got grabbed by Diesel. I was even happier when I saw the idiot go down in a heap and the ladies attacked him. I wasn't sure what was going on however. Lula had suddenly joined the battle and the FTA we had came here for had disappeared.

Then I saw Stephanie slip out of sight through the back door and my alarm kicked up a notch. Whenever she went off alone, nothing good came of it. I weaved my way through the maniac crowd and raced out after her. Police sirens blared on in my ears as I ran down the alley way that lead back to the parking lot, looking left and right for any sign of the brown haired woman.

Then I saw it.

My car.

With someone behind the wheel.

I barely had time to process the sight before it came barreling at me.

0o0o0oo

_Morelli_

_Reason number six: I was stripped of my clothes.  
_

Let me tell you, I've been hanging around Trenton for years and not once I had seen something as ridiculous as this.

First off, when I pulled into the lot of the Royal Tavern, I saw Ranger lying on the ground, holding his stomach.

The sight surprised me, to say the least. I got out of my car and raced over to him. Bending down, I shown a flash light in his face. He groaned, staring up at me with unfocused eyes. The front of his black shirt was torn and a gash had opened on his forehead. "Ranger? Ranger, you okay? What happened?"

He didn't answer. Just groaned and squeezed his eyes shut in what could only be pain. That was something incredibly new to me when it came from this man. When had I ever seen him like this? Even when he got shot, he didn't make a sound. I made a call to the paramedics before telling Ranger to hold in there and then headed inside.

If Ranger was here that meant Stephanie could not have been far away. Seriously, the woman was a walking, talking disaster. Only she could have gotten that man in the condition he was in now.

When I stepped into the bar, I saw nothing but chaos.

Chairs were being thrown, beer had been spilled, tables had been broken, people were going crazy.

And it might have been my imagination but I think these fellas were dressed as seedy women.

I called for back up and then, like a fool, walked into the mess, stepping over broken glasses and splintered wood. Most of the people were gathered towards the back so I headed that way, hand on the handle of my gun.

I must say, finding both Diesel and Lula stuffed into the middle of the crowd made me bark in a laughter. I shot off a quick two shots towards the ceiling. Just to calm the place down. Harmless.

Everyone quieted and glanced at me. Diesel's face was almost beyond recognizable with cuts and bruises and Lula looked no better in comparison.

"Everyone needs to calm down." I began in my most I-am-a-police-officer-you-must-listen-to-me voice. "If everyone would just make a single file line-"

I wasn't prepared to be interrupted. "It's the stripper!" Someone yelled, obviously drunk. "The stripper finally came!"

I raised up my hands in fair warning. "Sir, I'm not-"

"Come on, stripper, strip for us!"

There was a collective chant of "Strip, strip, strip." that was followed by a good amount of them surrounding me and I reached for my gun a moment too late. The next thing I knew, I was sprawled on the floor and my clothes were flying off.

0o0o0o

_Diesel_

_Reason number seven: I got shot at._

I will never go into another bar filled with cross dressers EVER again.

I swear it.

I felt bad for Morelli, I seriously did but I was in no condition to help. So I high tailed it out of that bar in record speed with Lula trailing behind. She was the only one who had jumped in to aid me and had gotten hurt because of it. For that, I made a mental note to poof up some meatball subs for the gal later on.

When I got outside, Ranger was lying on the ground, still as stone. I limped over to him and poked him with the toe of my shoes gently. He groaned but didn't move.

Lula came huffing up next to me. "Fucking crazy ass hoes. Fucking crazy. Fucking insane. My hair is a fucking mess. Fuck. Why the fuck is he lying on the ground? The fuck happened to him? Fucking disaster." Her eyes trailed to something behind me. "Hey. Isn't that Ranger's car?"

I turned around to see Greg sitting in the front seat of Ranger's Porsche, idling there with a smug look on his face.

The windows rolled down and he stuck his head out. "I have your girlfriend, Diesel! So if you want her back, you better do as I say! I've already ran over that guy and I'll do it again!"

"He's a fucking lunatic." Lula clucked.

I agreed. I was in no mood to deal with Greg. My eye was killing me, I had a headache, my rips ached, my legs bled. I was hungry. I wanted to sleep. I cupped my hands over my mouth. "Don't be a moron, Greg! There are cops on the way as we speak! And one right inside! You're going in and that's all there is to is!"

Suddenly, Greg had a gun and he got ten times more dangerous. He aimed. I screamed to duck, and we dropped to the ground beside Ranger. Shots rang off and a window erupted into a million pieces. Then tires squealed and the Porsche raced off the lot.

0o0o0o

_Stephanie_

_Reason number eight: I got thrown out of a moving car._

When I woke up, I could hear gunshots.

I groggily raised my head up and watched as Greg shot at Lula and Diesel with an automatic that he surely got from somewhere in Ranger's car and then swerve off. All the memories rushed back to me and I felt angry and irritated. I didn't like being kidnapped.

So I did want any woman would do in this situation.

I screamed bloody murder and dived on him. He squealed in panic and turned the wheel abruptly. I went spiraling against the side of the car. I saw him raise his gun and I started to punch and kick and claw at him. He shrieked, the gun dropped, the car pivoted, the door swung open and he forcefully kicked me from the vehicle.

I landed with a hard thud on my stomach and pain shot up my hands and arms from the friction of my impact on the cement. Out of my peripheral, I saw that Greg had lost control and he went sailing into a cop cruiser that looked strangely like Morelli's.

0o0o0o

_Morelli_

_Reason number nine: My cruiser got totaled._

When the mob of crazy, devilish women...men...whoever the hell they are, finally let me up, I was pissed. My clothes were torn, I couldn't find my damn gun, and my hair must have looked ferocious.

But I wasn't stupid enough to try and approach them again. They had lost interest in me for whatever reason and were dropping around the bar like flies, passing out from intoxication. I made a mental note to send all of them to jail and got the fuck out of there.

I got outside right in time to see a black Porsche crash into my police cruiser.

0o0o0o

_Ranger_

_Reason number ten: My car blew up._

My ribs felt like bars of granite had been beat against them repeatedly and I knew some of them had to be broken. By the times the stars stopped dancing in front of my eyes, I felt exhausted and my head was banging and my mind was a puddle of mud and I was seeing double.

I slowly pushed myself to a sitting position and ignored my ribs as they screamed in protest. I glanced around, surveying the damage around me.

Stephanie was lying on the ground a few feet away, arms skinned, bleeding. She didn't seem to be hurt that bad, which made my worry melt away, but her expression was pained and she was frowning.

Diesel was up, standing before me. His face was a mass of bruises. His clothes were torn. Lula stood beside him and she hadn't fared much better than he.

Morelli, _how the hell he had gotten here or when had he came?_, was standing in front of the bar, which now had a broken window. His shirt was torn in half, his shoes were gone and he wasn't wearing any pants.

All of their eyes were on the car wreck. The wreck that involved my car and what looked to be a police cruiser. Morelli's.

I could see no one inside my car.

As more cops came zooming into the lot, every single one of us silently made our way together. We stood in a circle, the five of us. Looking broken and beaten and defeated. Which we were.

"Congratulations Babe." I was the first to speak, shooting her a dry look. "You've managed to fuck up two cars in one day. A new record."

The look of sadness on her face made me instantly regret saying that. I don't even know why it had came out. I don't know what possessed me to blame her when all of this could not have been just her fault. I wanted to apologize and I opened my mouth to do so, to tell her I hadn't meant it, that I was just angry, that I wanted to rub her arms and make her feel better and kiss her to sleep.

But then my car exploded.

Just like that. _BOOM_.

Everyone recoiled back from the sound and I watched the flames plume towards the sky.

I figured I deserved that.


	7. Chapter Six

Hey :D Thanks to all who reviewed! I really appreciate it!

* * *

Chapter Six

* * *

_Stephanie_

A tiny sigh escaped from my mouth as I walked down the hospital steps.

After the cops calmed down the Bar and the fire from the car wreck was put under control, we had searched for any remains. Strangely enough, there hadn't been any. No Greg Madison. No Greg Madison body parts on fire. I had glanced at Diesel but he only offered a scowl. I had asked if it was possible that Greg had poofed away and Diesel grimaced. I took that as a yes.

We didn't waste any more time on Greg however. We were all too exhausted.

Aside from a few bruises and scrapes, I was okay. I had bandages around my arms, because apparently the skin had been rubbed raw when I hit the cement. Nothing permanent, nothing overly serious. I was given this creme to apply to my arms and then I was suppose to just, as the doctor said, wait for them to heal.

Morelli hadn't had much wrong with him either. Just a few torn clothes, some cuts and the humiliation of having to tell his boss that he had lost his car. And his _pants_. I had given him a ride to his house and he had been silent the whole time. I wasn't sure if he was mad at me but he wouldn't even look me in the eye. He seemed fed up by the whole situation.

Physically, Lula was fine. A lot of medication was applied to the cuts on her face and such but emotionally, she was a wreck. Her hair was hanging half off her head, her clothes were torn and she was pissed. She was on a warpath. Her face had been beet red but she hadn't said a word. Which was unusual since Lula was one of the most talkative people I knew. I wondered if she too were angry with me.

She had called Connie to come take her home and I made a weak attempt at a joke that involved mobs and men and cross dressers.

Her exact response had been, "Fucking A."

Diesel and Ranger, however, had the most injuries by far.

A bandage had been wrapped around Diesel's forehead, partially covering one eye. And his foot, which had been stomped repeatedly by a heel apparently, was broken. It was in a cast. I had looked at it and exclaimed that I hadn't known they made cast for feet. How sweet, right?

Ranger had two broken ribs from where the car rammed into him (something I winced at when I was told what had happened while I had been knocked out) and a large gash scarred his forehead, covered by a bandage.

They both had been taken in an ambulance and ordered to stay over night.

Neither one agreed to it.

So, here I was, walking out the hospital with two broken men behind me. Diesel, on crutches, frowning and Ranger with a horrible limb, holding his ribs. The doctor had told him that if he did indeed insist on leaving that he should have a wheelchair but the man belligerently refused. Mostly because he did not want to look like a wimp in front of Diesel.

The two had been competing ever since we arrived at the hospital. Who could last longer without anesthesia, who could withstand more shots. They almost got to the point of seeing who could dive out the hospital window and still be in one piece but, luckily enough, the doctors had stopped them.

At the moment, they were in a heated discussion about who had lost the test of strength. Diesel claimed it was Ranger because he could barely stand up right. Ranger countered and said Diesel needed the help of crutches to walk. A headache flared underneath my eyes and I groaned. Testosterone was so annoying.

Diesel had just dropped his crutches and exclaimed that he didn't need them when I exploded in rage.

"Damn it, I'm SICK of you two arguing!" I whirled, threw up my hands. "Diesel, pick up your damn crutches and _get your ass in the car_."

They had gone silent. Bug eyed. Diesel wasted no time in collecting the items off and ground and ambling away. I turned on my heel and stalked after him.

It took me a beat to realize that Ranger hadn't moved. I gave him a sideways glance. "Are you coming or not?"

"Me?" Ranger asked, pointing to himself. "You're giving _me_ a ride?" He made it sound like the most bizarre statement in the world.

I rolled my eyes. "No. You're giving me a ride." I threw him the keys and he caught it. A puzzled expression came over his face. "Since I _fucked up_ your car, I figure you'd drop me off at my apartment and then take my car to Rangeman." I explained blandly.

He looked pained at my tone but said nothing. Just grumbled something incoherent and got into the car. I followed suit, ducking into the passenger side and slamming the door closed.

Ever since Ranger had, quite literally, BLAMED me for the entire fiasco today, I had gone through extreme measures not to make eye contact or speak to him unless I absolutely needed to. A bit juvenile I suppose but he had been a jackass to me the entire day. I could understand that he was going through a bit of crisis but I was starting to think that Diesel's spell was beginning to show Ranger's true colors. And they weren't pretty.

Either way, I was so fed up with men at this point. Super men with magic powers. Jealous police officer men. Mysterious men who weren't so mysterious anymore and had transformed into assholes. Men dressed as women. I was sick of them all.

The car ride was silent. Uncomfortably silent. I was staring at the window, working hard not to look at the man driving but not being able to miss the tight line Ranger had his mouth set in or how hard he gripped the steering wheel. While Diesel just sat quiet in the back, seemingly in a daze, oblivious to the tension floating around.

As soon as he came to a stop in my apartment lot, I bolted out of the car and speed walked to the door, not even bothering to look and see if Diesel was following.

_o0o0o0o_

_Ranger_

Stephanie was mad. _At me._

I sighed and watched her disappear into her apartment without a backwards glance. I banged my fists against the steering wheel. I was such an idiot.

"You are quite an idiot, aren't you?"

I turned to give Diesel a hard glare. I almost forgot he was still in the damn car. "What? It's not enough to completely eradicate my self control? You have to invade my privacy and read my mind as well?"

He blinked. "You were talking aloud."

I groaned.

"Well?" He urged.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to go after her?"

I pondered for a moment. "I want to. But I...I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"She's mad at me. I wouldn't know what to say. Old Ranger would just call her 'Babe.' and do something slick and it'd all be fine. But this Ranger...the person I am now...I stumble over my own words. I can barely concentrate. I can't think straight. I ramble too much. I wouldn't be able to make my thoughts comprehensible. It'd come out all wrong. What would I say?" I said all of this in rapid succession, running my hands through my hair, turning my mouth down in a frown. I felt more things bubble up in my chest and tried to keep it down. It was hard, fighting against my self for control but I was managing. Slightly. "I'm trying to get a hold of myself. But it's hard. You've ruined everything. Do you know that?" My voice turned deadly and I gave him another glare.

Diesel said nothing for a moment. Just watched me. I hated how he looked at me. I hated his gaze. I hated being like this in front of him. Did I mention I hated him? "You're making excuses."

"What?"

"You're making excuses." He repeated, making my blood boil. "Stop trying to fight yourself. You'll never win. Do you know why I placed that spell on you, Ranger?"

I growled. "Because you're a dick. Because you're a maggot. Because you get your jollies out of making me miserable. You're a low down, dirty, good for nothing-"

"I put that spell on you," He interrupted smoothly, grinning like an idiot. "Because I believe that you love Stephanie and she loves you. I believe she'd really do you some good."

"Do...me some good?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

He smiled again. "You need...no, you _want_ someone to show you that your love is worth giving."

"What a fucking load of sh-"

"Do you love Stephanie?"

"Yes." I replied without a moment's hesitation. "I always have. I always will. I just...I don't know if she feels the same way."

"So ask her."

"What if I pour my heart out and she goes back to Morelli?" I instantly cursed, regretting the line that had just came out of my mouth.

Diesel raised an eyebrow. "I figured you had some insecurities about the cop. Listen, you can't sit on your ass and expect her to come to you. If she wanted that guy, she'd be with him. But she isn't. She's hanging around you, waiting for you to open up and frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of seeing you skirting around the real issue. Which is that you're afraid. Of giving yourself up fully, of being rejected. Which is fine. Because, well, you're human. But it's time to step up to the plate, dude, because Stephanie isn't going to wait around forever."

I opened my mouth to curse and scream and tell him that he didn't know a damn thing about me and that I was going to shoot him but the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "How...what...is...what do I tell her?"

"Simple." He said, grabbing his crutches and opening the door. "Just tell her the truth."

0o0oo0

When Stephanie opened the door to Diesel and me, my heart felt like it was ready to explode. Diesel wobbled past her into her apartment (_I hated that he was staying with her by the way_) and Stephanie and I were left staring at each other. She had a hand on her hip and, from her expression, I could see that she was still angry. But at least she hadn't slammed the door in my face.

After talking with Diesel, I realized he was right (which only made me hate him more). I _was_ making excuses. Mostly because I _was_ scared. Opening up had always made me uneasy. The people I worked with, my family, my friends. It was easy to keep my distance from everyone. I liked that the things they knew about me were only the things I allowed them to know. It kept me from growing attached, from getting hurt, from putting them in danger.

But now I was standing before a tiny, brown haired woman from the burg who had the power to send my emotions into a frenzy and a magical fucking spell on me that prevented me from staying closed off.

I was absolutely terrified.

"Is there something you wanted to tell me?" She asked carefully.

I took a deep breath and blurted out, "I'm sorry."

Her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I didn't mean it. I know it wasn't all your fault. It just slipped from my mouth. I'm so stupid. I hate when you're mad at me. I would never try to hurt you. I hate seeing you like that. I hadn't meant it, I swear. I couldn't care less about a dumb car. I was just mad and frustrated. I've been like that lately, if you haven't noticed. I'm sorry about your arms. I wish I was there to protect you. I'm sorry."

Stephanie was staring at me like I had grown three heads and I bit my lip and flexed my fingers to keep from running them through my hair again. She thought I was insane. She would never have me. I was a loser.

"It's okay." She finally said, smiling. "I forgive you."

Sweet relief filled me like a balloon. "Oh thank god. I'm so glad you said that. I feel so great. I feel like dancing."

That made her laugh out loud and I felt my face get red from embarrassment. That just sent her into hysterics and she doubled over, holding her stomach.

She was happy, she was laughing, she was not longer mad at me. It was the perfect time to tell her how much I loved her. To put my heart on the table. This was it. I opened my mouth and felt my throat close.. Sweat broke out on my face and my heart started to beat crazily. A jumble of words came to my mind but when I tried to force them out, nothing happened. My chest heaved. "Stephanie I love..." I wheezed. It started to get hard to breathe.

I couldn't do it. I was going to have a heart attack. I was dying.

No, I had to. Stephanie was going to be mine. I wanted Stephanie to be mine.

No, I couldn't do it. My words weren't coming out!

Just spit it out, Manoso!

"Stephanie, I love cake!"

There was a beat of silence where I blinked in confusion. _I love cake?_

"I've always loved cake. But when I was little, I was kinda big...and over weight. I use to consume tons of candy. I got teased. I toned up in the army but the love never wavered. I don't eat it now because it takes me back...to bad times. They use to call me Ricky McFatty."

By now, Stephanie had straightened up. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was shaped like an O.

I mentally cursed and elbowed my damaged ribs. Screaming out in pain, I buckled over and held my stomach. Stephanie gasped and reached out to me. "Ranger, are you okay?"

"I...think it's my...ribs...I accidentally...hit them..." I strained out, wincing. "Aahhh, oh man. That hurts." Stephanie helped me inside her apartment and eased me onto her couch beside Diesel. "Whew. I think I should just camp out here for the night."

"You're so stubborn. You should have just taken the wheelchair they offered." She was grumbling this but a little smile played across her mouth. I wondered if she knew I had did this on purpose. "I'll go get some covers. Ranger can sleep on the couch and Diesel, on the floor."

"What?" Diesel exclaimed, throwing up his hands. "On the floor? I have a broken foot!"

"And he has broken ribs." That said, she turned on her heel and disappeared into her room.

Diesel gave me a look. "What?" I asked.

" 'Oh Stephanie' "He mocked, holding a hand in front of his heart and fluttering his eyelashes. " 'I'm a huge wimp who has to injure myself to get out of telling you how much I love you. Oh, woe is me!' "

I scoffed but glanced down at the floor. "I was going to tell her...I just..."

"Chickened out?" He asked dryly. A devilish smirk lit up his features. "Ricky McFatty?" I glowered at him and he laughed nervously. "Kids can be so cruel."

_0oo0o0o_

_Diesel_

Un-fucking-believable.

Ranger was becoming a lost cause.

Even with my spell, he was too much of a coward to tell Stephanie how he felt. I gave him a spectacular pep talk, I damn near awed him with my wit. I mean, I gave him all kinds of great lines. I told him that it was okay to be scared, that I thought him and Stephanie were good for each other. Sweet shit, I'm telling you. I felt like Dr. Phil. Fuck, I felt better than Dr. Phil.

Then, he had the perfect opening to spill his guts but the guy just didn't do it.

Why? Why, why, why, _why_?

He seemed perfectly fine when it came to telling me that he loved her. So why couldn't he just tell Steph?

Nerves, probably. As I expected, my spell had enhanced every emotion in his body. It was a neat little trick but had it's set backs. You couldn't open up one thing without expecting other things to be tampered with. Preventing him from telling lies, for example, meant that he couldn't portray himself as calm if he was actually jittery. Nothing on him could hide. What you saw on the outside of Ranger was how he felt on the inside.

He was nervous about telling her. So nervous that he couldn't even get it out of his mouth.

It was up to me then. I would have to devise a plan to get Ranger and Stephanie together before everything blew up in my face.

Mission _Get-Ranger-to-say-he-loves-Stephanie-while-catching-my-unmentionable, finding-myself-a-doughnut-and-getting-the-hell-out-of-Trenton_ was in effect.

* * *

Haha, I hope you all enjoyed reading (:

now tell me what you think!


	8. Chapter Seven

More, more, more!

* * *

Chapter Seven

* * *

_Stephanie_

As soon as I woke up, I was distinctly aware of someone beside me. I blinked, turned and saw the outline of a body. I looked away, rubbed the remains of sleep from my eyes and turned back around to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

I wasn't. Ranger had, somehow, made his way into my bed. He had the most peaceful look on his face and his arms were wrapped around my waist, cradling me to his chest_, _which was bare. His long locks were splayed across my pillow and his legs were entwined with mine. I checked to see if he had on any boxers and was just a tad disappointed when I saw he did.

He suddenly came awake, eyelids fluttering open slowly before his dark eyes landed on me. A lazy smile lit up his face. "Good morning." Was the only thing he mumbled before running his hands under my frilly nightgown.

I squirmed against him, feeling certain spots on my body react rather quick to his touch. "Ranger, what the hell? What are you doing here?"

"You let me stay the night, remember?"

"Yeah, ON THE COUCH."

He chuckled low in his throat and I felt his fingers draw circles on my thighs. "Do you know how uncomfortable your couch is to a man with broken ribs? Besides, I like sleeping with you. You're warm."

I liked him sleeping with me too. But for all the wrong reasons. "Get out of here!"

"Now, you don't mean that." His voice was heavy and seductive. His hands were becoming dangerously close to the spot between my thighs. This was the Ranger I remembered. Bold, silky, sexy.

I hated this Ranger. He had the power to knock down all my defenses.

"You smell good." He breathed with a smile. "Like flowers and home." He lowered his mouth to my neck and I felt kisses trail across my jaw line.

I didn't know what to do. One part of me wanted to let him the continue and the other part wanted to run away. I wasn't delusional. I knew enough about Ranger to distinguish wanting me from wanting my body. He was a man, after all. He liked sex. He liked having it. He liked having it with women. That was one thing he never tried to hide.

Those were the reasons I tried to stray away from him. I wasn't the type of woman who had casual sexual partners. If Ranger wanted to be with me then he would have to _really_ be with me.

He didn't agree with that. Or, more so, he couldn't adhere to those circumstances. He was not very good boyfriend material, he claimed. His life didn't allow him to be.

Which had put us in this, seemingly endless, cat and mouse chase. Where he lounged to be in my bed and I made my bed off limits by being with Morelli who, unlike Ranger, would commit to a long term, monogamous relationship. I often wondered if that was the only reason I had stayed with Joe so long. Maybe I had just wanted the security of having someone who was obligated to be there for me. I mean, I loved him. I really did. But I don't think we could have made it. If only because our goals in life were too contrasting.

However, Ranger was a different story. He excepted me for what I was. He encouraged me. He was always around to comfort me. I could be trapped to my shower curtain by handcuffs, completely nude, and call him in the middle of the night to come help.

So what did that mean? That Ranger was more compatible for me? That he loved me? That he liked seeing me naked?

I wasn't sure. I just knew that I was willing to make a relationship between the two of us work. As long as he was willing to as well. Because, if you cared for someone enough, you'd be willing to make an effort, right?

Hell, did any of that matter? I could do whatever I wanted now, right? I was a free woman. I could just throw out my whole rule book and make myself happy, right?

_Would_ sleeping with Ranger make me happy?

"Do you remember the first time I took you?" He was whispering in my ear and his hands were fondling my breasts, making it hard for me to think. "I do. It's engraved in my brain. It was amazing. You're so responsive. I loved making you moan." He was holding me tight against his frame and my mind was blanking out. I felt my breathing quicken, heat flared in my stomach, my nipples hardened. "Did you like that?"

I tried to speak but all that got out was a croak.

He chuckled again. "I've really missed your body, Stephanie. You wouldn't mind if I got reacquainted with it, would you?" He had hooked his thumbs into my panties and was slowly sliding them down.

"What-what about Diesel?" I trembled out.

"I threw him out of the window."

"What?"

"He's out getting doughnuts."

Ranger had my panties off before I could comprehend it. He moved downwards, covering my nipple with his lips. I inhaled sharply and my back arched itself. He was well on his way to spreading my thighs when the doorbell rang. I felt both relief and anger strike my heart. "That's probably Diesel now. I'll get that!" Before he could argue, I quickly jumped up and barreled out of the room. Not risking what could be my only chance of escape.

I swear I could hear Ranger laughing behind me.

I skirted down the hall and opened the door.

It wasn't Diesel.

It was Tank.

I furrowed my eyebrows at the large man. It was only until I saw that he was staring intently at his shoes did I realize he was blushing. I had smoothed my night gown out considerably so no one could tell that I didn't have anything on underneath but it still showed a decent amount of cleavage and leg. And I was pretty sure my face was flushed. It took me a moment to catch my breath.

"Tank, is there something you wanted?"

"I...uh...I can come back if...I..." I snickered. Tank was tall, foreboding, intimidating as hell. He worked for Ranger at Rangeman so he was dressed in the usual all black. Give him a fire fight with millions of enemies and he could handle it but show him a partially nude woman and he'd run for the hills.

Tank was endearing. Sorta.

Ranger took that moment to come strolling up behind me. He had put on cargo pants and combed his hair back into a ponytail. His chest was still unclothed. He took one look at Tank and his eyes narrowed. "Tank?"

The big man glanced at his superior and his whole demeanor changed. He went from bashful to dead serious in seconds. "There's been another break in."

"_What_?" Ranger and I exclaimed in sync.

"I've been trying to get in touch with you all morning. I came in early to open up and noticed that the gate had been broken into. When I realized you weren't at Rangeman, I tried to get a trace on your vehicle but it wasn't signaling. It's like it just disappeared. After I got your voice mail for the tenth time, I called the others and learned that you hadn't even returned last night. That sent everyone into a panic. I've never seen those guys so worried. They were, literally, jumping off walls." Tank explained, shaking his head. A smile passed across Ranger's face and it took me a moment to grasp that he was touched at his colleague's concern. I smiled myself. Huh. He really did care.

"I decided to come here as a last resort." Tank continued. "But...I...I didn't know you were busy..." His eyes flashed to me before darting away and my face got hot.

Ranger rolled his eyes and I held back a giggle at the sight. It was still too unorthodox to see him doing things like that. "Did you get anything on camera from the break in? Could we see the guy this time?"

Tank fiddled with his fingers and, if I hadn't known better, I would say that he was scared. "Sorry to say but it's the same as last time. Actually, it's worse. We got zero visibility. It's like no one was even there. Except..."

"Except what?" Ranger urged.

"Um...well...I think the perpetrator stole...some of our cars."

"You _think_ he stole some of our cars?"

"Okay fine, _all_ of our cars are gone."

Ranger's mouth was open, his eyebrows were narrowed. He looked about ready to explode. "Tank."

"Yes?"

"There were twenty cars in that lot."

"I know."

"So you're telling me someone broke into my company _AGAIN_ and stole _TWENTY_ of my cars without anyone noticing?"

"Yes."

Ranger's mouth started to move rapidly and it sounded like he was cursing in another language. "That's impossible." He was muttering, shaking his head. "First my Porsche gets blown sky high and now all of my other cars are stolen. This is insane."

"Your Porsche got blown up?" Tank's eyebrows had shot clear to his head and he gave me a look.

I narrowed my eyes. "It wasn't my fault!"

That was around the time Diesel came waltzing in. He was carrying three boxes of doughnuts and had the widest smile on his face. "Hey guys, I got a discount! Buy two boxes and you get one...free." His grin slowly dissolved when he realized that Ranger was glaring at him with murder in his eyes. He glanced at me and then Tank. "What'd I miss?"

Ranger stalked over to him. "I've just been informed that all of the cars at my Rangeman lot are gone."

"Gone?" Diesel asked.

"Gone. Absent. Missing. Moved. Stolen. Removed. They vanished. They're AWOL. _Poof_."

"So...why is this my problem again?"

I could hear Ranger grinding his teeth together. "It's your problem because_ I_ know _you_ know who did it."

"Why would I know?"

"Because as soon as you showed up, my life turned into shit!"

"Ranger, have you ever considered anger management?"

Suddenly, the boxes of doughnuts that had once been in Diesel's hands went airborne. One second he was holding them and then the next, they were on the ground, lying half open. Creme and icing covered my floor and I felt a stab in my chest. Oh, those poor doughnuts. I would have to hold a funeral for them later on.

I turned my attention back to the matters at hand and saw that Ranger had Diesel by his collar. In the air. Pure hatred highlighted his face and I could see that Diesel had finally abandoned his care free attitude to gulp loudly. I glanced at Tank who was staring wide eyed. "Do something before Ranger shoots him!"

But the big man only shook his head and raised his hands. The universal sign for : _I'm not getting in between that mess_.

"Tank, close the door." Ranger ordered, narrowing his eyes. "I'm about to do some things and I don't want any of Stephanie's neighbors to see."

I was contemplating on what to do if worse came to worse when Joe Morelli came bounding in. As soon as he laid his eyes on the scene before him, however, he stopped and stared for a good ten minutes. First at Ranger who had set Mr. Magic man back on the ground, with a dangerous glint in his eyes. Second, Morelli glanced at Diesel who was trying his best to create a distance between him and his assailant. Then he turned to Tank and I, innocent onlookers, before he uttered, "Stephanie, I think we need to talk." His eyes had traveled down to the spilled deserts on the floor. "Alone."

I stepped out into the hallway with Morelli and closed the door. If only because I was afraid what would happen if three testosterone driven males remained in the room for too long. "What's up?"

"You tell me." He asked, putting hands on hips. His hair needed to be cut, his face needed a good shave and he needed to buy some pants without holes in them. Even so, he looked devilishly handsome. The one thing that kept Joe Morelli attractive was how scruffy he always appeared to be. And it wasn't like he did it on purpose. He was just naturally sloppy. But that was okay because it fit him. If he hadn't been giving me such an angry look, I might have taken the time to ogle.

"Whatcha mean?"

"Steph, there are three males in your apartment. Two of which I don't trust. Why is Diesel still hanging around here? And why the hell didn't Ranger have a shirt on?"

I groaned. "Did you come here JUST to argue with me?"

"No. I came here to kiss you and hug you and make up. I just hadn't expected all my worse enemies to have beaten me to the punch."

"Your worse enemies?"

"It's no big secret that Ranger and I don't get along." Morelli sighed. "And as for Diesel...well, I just don't like him."

"Listen, I'm not really in the mood-"

"Then maybe I can make you in the mood." Joe whispered, his eyes getting dark. Once upon a time, I had been a slave to those eyes. I had done anything they persuaded me to do. But now, as I stared at them, I found myself wondering why I hadn't seen past their charm.

"Morelli, seriously. I don't want-"

"Come on. I'm sorry about our fight. It was dumb. I didn't mean it. Do you forgive me? Is that good enough?"

No, I thought. No, it wasn't good enough. It wouldn't be good enough until we resolved the problem. "I'm a bounty hunter." I blurted out.

Morelli blinked. "I know."

"And I'm going to continue to be one. I'm good at it. Maybe I'm not a complete expert but I have great intuition. Why can't you see that?"

"Steph, I do see that. But...I mean...is that _really_ the best course of action? Prance around Trenton with a gun you're afraid to use, risking your life trying to catch criminals? You do have good intuition, I won't knock that but...I just don't think you're cut out for this job."

My vision blurred and I felt my fist clench.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything. I'm just concerned about you. There are plenty of other jobs that are safer, easier, more your speed. I could see you working at a perfume store."

Red hot anger shot up my body.

"Or maybe you can be a stay at home mom."

I growled low in my throat.

"You wouldn't want to stay doing this crazy job for the rest of your life. You'll turn paranoid, insane, wacky. You'd turn into a mini Ranger."

The next thing I knew, Morelli was on the ground, holding his nose that was spewing blood and, most likely, broken. I glanced at my hand, wondering if I had blacked out for a moment and struck him, when I felt someone side up to me.

I glanced up at Ranger. His mouth was turned down in a frown and he was shaking his hand. "Sonovabitch. My knuckles are going to be sore for days."


End file.
